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bobD · 06-27-2020, 11:33 PM

Quote:

About the Darwin Award, if you have spawned and have children, you aren't eligible as your genetics live on.

I had not thought about this before...

So... do stupid dangerous things when you're young and capable and receive your Darwin award and don't hold out until you're old and feeble...

..to buy that Harley and turn up on my doorstep having put your foot down (WHY!!) on the gravel corner and given yourself a phenomenally bad torsional fracture of the lower leg..!!

(Yes I stored your Bike in the garage until you recovered and collected it.... but the look I got from the attending ambo said it all...

)

35mmfilmfan · 06-28-2020, 01:57 AM

Speaking for myself, old (70) and foolish has so much to recommend it - after all, I may not have long left to enjoy myself and have my younger friends keep telling me to take care. 'Nothing succeeds like excess'.

**RobA_Oz** · 06-28-2020, 02:05 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan

Speaking for myself, old (70) and foolish has so much to recommend it - after all, I may not have long left to enjoy myself and have my younger friends keep telling me to take care. 'Nothing succeeds like excess'.

Mae West is reported as saying “Too much of a good thing is wonderful”. Even if she didn’t, there’s a bit for everyone in that.

**StiffLegged** · 06-28-2020, 12:43 PM - **7 Likes**

Now for a little light relief:–

A man went to the kitchen for a beer late one night. Opening the refrigerator door he saw a mouse stretched out on its back, on the butter, eyeing him closely. "Huh? What are you doing here?" he asked the creature. Coolly, the mouse asked "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" "Yeah," the man answered, "what about it?" "Well," the mouse replied, "I'm westing."

jeallen01 · 06-28-2020, 01:43 PM

Originally posted by StiffLegged

Now for a little light relief:–

A man went to the kitchen for a beer late one night. Opening the refrigerator door he saw a mouse stretched out on its back, on the butter, eyeing him closely. "Huh? What are you doing here?" he asked the creature. Coolly, the mouse asked "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" "Yeah," the man answered, "what about it?" "Well," the mouse replied, "I'm westing."

**WPRESTO** · 06-28-2020, 02:48 PM - **3 Likes**

Originally posted by RobA_Oz

Mae West is reported as saying “Too much of a good thing is wonderful”. Even if she didn’t, there’s a bit for everyone in that.

A famous Mae West line, delivered in a movie. She's entering a ritzy restaurant with a very wealthy gentleman. She throws her stole at the check girl who exclaims:

"My goodness! This is real mink!"

To which Mae West replies:

"Goodness has nothing to do with it deary."

**Tonytee** · 06-28-2020, 03:53 PM - **4 Likes**

Originally posted by WPRESTO

A famous Mae West line, delivered in a movie. She's entering a ritzy restaurant with a very wealthy gentleman. She throws her stole at the check girl who exclaims:

"My goodness! This is real mink!"

To which Mae West replies:

"Goodness has nothing to do with it deary."

There is another Mae West line which I believe is my all time favorite. She had just returned from a world wide tour and the press was there with a battery of reporters in her face. One asked what type of men she prefers. Her response was: "Both kinds, honey, foreign and domestic."

) thnx for reading.

tt

Unregistered User 8 · 06-29-2020, 10:36 PM - **8 Likes**

I was at a sophisticated dinner party the other night… when I broke wind very loudly.

One of the guests was appalled and said indignantly, “ How DARE you fart in front of my wife !!! ”

Embarrassed and apologetic I said, “ I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize it was her turn next.”

Parallax · 06-30-2020, 07:01 PM - **7 Likes**

What's the difference in a Norwegian ladder and any other?

A Norwegian made ladder has Stoppe! written on the top rung.

jeallen01 · 07-01-2020, 01:50 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by Parallax

What's the difference in a Norwegian ladder and any other?

A Norwegian made ladder has Stoppe! written on the top rung.

In "many places" that would have been an "Irish Joke" - in "former times" of course

**luftfluss** · 07-01-2020, 09:48 AM - **7 Likes**

The female janitor in my building asked if I would smoke some weed with her.

I said no thanks, I can't deal with high maintenance women...

Parallax · 07-01-2020, 10:10 AM - **15 Likes**

.....................

mkgd1 · 07-01-2020, 12:18 PM - **9 Likes**

Mick and Pat were walking near the forest and saw a sign saying "Tree Fellers Wanted."
Mick said to Pat, "Pity Shamus isn't here, we could have applied for that."

35mmfilmfan · 07-01-2020, 12:28 PM - **5 Likes**

How far can you walk into a forest in a straight line ?

Halfway - after that, you're walking out again.

Parallax · 07-01-2020, 02:18 PM - **4 Likes**

I need some advice.
I'm having an argument with my wife and she just said "Yes, you're right".
What the heck do I do now?

06-27-2020, 11:33 PM	#2821
bobD Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Waikikamukau Photos: Albums Posts: 1,248	Quote: About the Darwin Award, if you have spawned and have children, you aren't eligible as your genetics live on. I had not thought about this before... So... do stupid dangerous things when you're young and capable and receive your Darwin award and don't hold out until you're old and feeble... ..to buy that Harley and turn up on my doorstep having put your foot down (WHY!!) on the gravel corner and given yourself a phenomenally bad torsional fracture of the lower leg..!! (Yes I stored your Bike in the garage until you recovered and collected it.... but the look I got from the attending ambo said it all...)

07-01-2020, 10:10 AM - 15 Likes	#2832
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,333	..................... Attached Images

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06-28-2020, 01:57 AM	#2822
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,339	Speaking for myself, old (70) and foolish has so much to recommend it - after all, I may not have long left to enjoy myself and have my younger friends keep telling me to take care. 'Nothing succeeds like excess'.

06-28-2020, 02:05 AM - 1 Like	#2823
RobA_Oz Site Supporter Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Tasmania, Australia Photos: Gallery Posts: 8,209	Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan Speaking for myself, old (70) and foolish has so much to recommend it - after all, I may not have long left to enjoy myself and have my younger friends keep telling me to take care. 'Nothing succeeds like excess'. Mae West is reported as saying “Too much of a good thing is wonderful”. Even if she didn’t, there’s a bit for everyone in that.

06-28-2020, 12:43 PM - 7 Likes	#2824
StiffLegged Site Supporter Join Date: Jan 2018 Photos: Gallery Posts: 4,636	Now for a little light relief:– A man went to the kitchen for a beer late one night. Opening the refrigerator door he saw a mouse stretched out on its back, on the butter, eyeing him closely. "Huh? What are you doing here?" he asked the creature. Coolly, the mouse asked "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" "Yeah," the man answered, "what about it?" "Well," the mouse replied, "I'm westing."

06-28-2020, 01:43 PM	#2825
jeallen01 Pentaxian Join Date: May 2008 Location: London, UK Posts: 1,697	Originally posted by StiffLegged Now for a little light relief:– A man went to the kitchen for a beer late one night. Opening the refrigerator door he saw a mouse stretched out on its back, on the butter, eyeing him closely. "Huh? What are you doing here?" he asked the creature. Coolly, the mouse asked "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" "Yeah," the man answered, "what about it?" "Well," the mouse replied, "I'm westing."

06-28-2020, 02:48 PM - 3 Likes	#2826
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,138	Originally posted by RobA_Oz Mae West is reported as saying “Too much of a good thing is wonderful”. Even if she didn’t, there’s a bit for everyone in that. A famous Mae West line, delivered in a movie. She's entering a ritzy restaurant with a very wealthy gentleman. She throws her stole at the check girl who exclaims: "My goodness! This is real mink!" To which Mae West replies: "Goodness has nothing to do with it deary."

06-28-2020, 03:53 PM - 4 Likes	#2827
Tonytee Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Jul 2012 Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 21,531	Originally posted by WPRESTO A famous Mae West line, delivered in a movie. She's entering a ritzy restaurant with a very wealthy gentleman. She throws her stole at the check girl who exclaims: "My goodness! This is real mink!" To which Mae West replies: "Goodness has nothing to do with it deary." There is another Mae West line which I believe is my all time favorite. She had just returned from a world wide tour and the press was there with a battery of reporters in her face. One asked what type of men she prefers. Her response was: "Both kinds, honey, foreign and domestic." ) thnx for reading. tt

06-29-2020, 10:36 PM - 8 Likes	#2828
Unregistered User 8 Closed Account Join Date: Mar 2015 Photos: Gallery Posts: 8,694	I was at a sophisticated dinner party the other night… when I broke wind very loudly. One of the guests was appalled and said indignantly, “ How DARE you fart in front of my wife !!! ” Embarrassed and apologetic I said, “ I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize it was her turn next.”

06-30-2020, 07:01 PM - 7 Likes	#2829
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,333	What's the difference in a Norwegian ladder and any other? A Norwegian made ladder has Stoppe! written on the top rung.

07-01-2020, 01:50 AM - 1 Like	#2830
jeallen01 Pentaxian Join Date: May 2008 Location: London, UK Posts: 1,697	Originally posted by Parallax What's the difference in a Norwegian ladder and any other? A Norwegian made ladder has Stoppe! written on the top rung. In "many places" that would have been an "Irish Joke" - in "former times" of course

07-01-2020, 09:48 AM - 7 Likes	#2831
luftfluss Site Supporter Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: NJ Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 11,628	The female janitor in my building asked if I would smoke some weed with her. I said no thanks, I can't deal with high maintenance women...

07-01-2020, 12:18 PM - 9 Likes	#2833
mkgd1 Pentaxian Join Date: Dec 2019 Location: Mohave county Arizona Photos: Albums Posts: 1,076	Mick and Pat were walking near the forest and saw a sign saying "Tree Fellers Wanted." Mick said to Pat, "Pity Shamus isn't here, we could have applied for that."

07-01-2020, 12:28 PM - 5 Likes	#2834
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,339	How far can you walk into a forest in a straight line ? Halfway - after that, you're walking out again.

07-01-2020, 02:18 PM - 4 Likes	#2835
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,333	I need some advice. I'm having an argument with my wife and she just said "Yes, you're right". What the heck do I do now?

The Joke Thread

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