The Joke Thread

35mmfilmfan · 07-27-2020, 02:28 AM - **8 Likes**

I saw a Pillar Of Salt in a car park once.

'Oh, I thought, 'that's where they're parking Lot's Wife'

MarkJerling · 07-27-2020, 06:05 PM - **17 Likes**

Can't remember if I posted this one before....

Fred came home from University in tears.

"Mum, am I adopted?"

"No of course not", replied his mother. "Why would you think such a thing?"

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city.

Perturbed, his mother called her husband. "Honey, Fred has done a DNA test, and... and... I don't know how to say this... he may not be our son."

"Well, obviously!" he replied.

"What do you mean?"

"It was your idea in the first place" her husband continued. "You remember, that first night in hospital when the baby did nothing but scream and cry and scream and cry. On and on. And you asked me to change him."

"I picked a good one I reckon. Ever so proud of Fred."

lesmore49 · 07-27-2020, 08:28 PM - **3 Likes**

Originally posted by MarkJerling

Can't remember if I posted this one before....

Fred came home from University in tears.

"Mum, am I adopted?"

"No of course not", replied his mother. "Why would you think such a thing?"

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city.

Perturbed, his mother called her husband. "Honey, Fred has done a DNA test, and... and... I don't know how to say this... he may not be our son."

"Well, obviously!" he replied.

"What do you mean?"

"It was your idea in the first place" her husband continued. "You remember, that first night in hospital when the baby did nothing but scream and cry and scream and cry. On and on. And you asked me to change him."

"I picked a good one I reckon. Ever so proud of Fred."

Good one !

Both my wife and I like it a lot. My wife even said...'ohh...that's terrible ! ' Which is high praise indeed .

**ehrwien** · 07-29-2020, 04:21 AM - **12 Likes**

A dog sends a telegram. He recites his message for the clerk. "Woof woof woof. Woof woof, woof woof, woof woof woof woof."
Clerk: "Sir, for the same price, you can add two more words. How about 'Woof woof'?"
Dog: "But then it wouldn’t make any sense."

bertwert · 07-30-2020, 07:13 AM - **6 Likes**

Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

robtcorl · 07-30-2020, 08:11 AM - **9 Likes**

MarkJerling · 07-30-2020, 01:19 PM

Tried to fix your link Bob, but it says content only available to registered members on that site.

MarkJerling · 07-30-2020, 01:31 PM - **11 Likes**

Then there is the story of 2 nude statues, a male and female, which stood looking at each other in the town square for a couple of hundred years.

One day an angel said to them, “Would you like to be flesh and blood instead of stone for just a couple of hours? Isn’t there something you would really like to do together after all this time staring at each other?”

They eagerly accepted. After they had finished the female said to the male, “That was fun. Shall we do it again?” To which he replied, “Yes, but this time you hold the pigeon down while I poop on it.”

robtcorl · 07-30-2020, 02:39 PM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by MarkJerling

Tried to fix your link Bob, but it says content only available to registered members on that site.

Thanks Mark.
Fixed now, I hope.

Parallax · 07-30-2020, 03:57 PM - **5 Likes**

A young man went to his father and said "Daddy, I'm in love with Suzy from down the block. I want to marry her".
"Son, you can't marry Suzy"
"Why not?"
"Let's just say your daddy used to get around"
"Momma, I just told daddy that I want to marry Suzy but he said I couldn't because he used to 'get around'
"Son, you go ahead and marry her. Your daddy aint the only one that used to get around."

MarkJerling · 07-30-2020, 04:41 PM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by robtcorl

Thanks Mark.
Fixed now, I hope.

Good one. So, how do you say it? We say "Wooster-sauce"

bobD · 07-30-2020, 10:26 PM - **3 Likes**

"Wuss-ta"

robtcorl · 07-31-2020, 07:33 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by MarkJerling

So, how do you say it? We say "Wooster-sauce"

Woosty sauce.

35mmfilmfan · 07-31-2020, 07:41 AM - **1 Like**

Whatever would Bertram say ?

35mmfilmfan · 07-31-2020, 07:43 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by Parallax

A young man went to his father and said "Daddy, I'm in love with Suzy from down the block. I want to marry her".
"Son, you can't marry Suzy"
"Why not?"
"Let's just say your daddy used to get around"
"Momma, I just told daddy that I want to marry Suzy but he said I couldn't because he used to 'get around'
"Son, you go ahead and marry her. Your daddy aint the only one that used to get around."

You Tube

07-30-2020, 08:11 AM - 9 Likes	#2916
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Last edited by robtcorl; 07-30-2020 at 02:38 PM.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Where is the annual Pentax FF April fool joke?	LFLee	Pentax Full Frame	27	04-04-2014 03:48 AM
Misc Batman : The Killing Joke	6BQ5	Post Your Photos!	7	02-24-2014 01:58 PM
Joke Thread!	Gooshin	General Talk	327	10-23-2012 08:59 PM
Political Joke Thread	Parallax	General Talk	42	04-20-2012 06:42 AM

07-27-2020, 02:28 AM - 8 Likes	#2911
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,339	I saw a Pillar Of Salt in a car park once. 'Oh, I thought, 'that's where they're parking Lot's Wife'

07-27-2020, 06:05 PM - 17 Likes	#2912
MarkJerling Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 20,422	Can't remember if I posted this one before.... Fred came home from University in tears. "Mum, am I adopted?" "No of course not", replied his mother. "Why would you think such a thing?" Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city. Perturbed, his mother called her husband. "Honey, Fred has done a DNA test, and... and... I don't know how to say this... he may not be our son." "Well, obviously!" he replied. "What do you mean?" "It was your idea in the first place" her husband continued. "You remember, that first night in hospital when the baby did nothing but scream and cry and scream and cry. On and on. And you asked me to change him." "I picked a good one I reckon. Ever so proud of Fred."

07-27-2020, 08:28 PM - 3 Likes	#2913
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,350	Originally posted by MarkJerling Can't remember if I posted this one before.... Fred came home from University in tears. "Mum, am I adopted?" "No of course not", replied his mother. "Why would you think such a thing?" Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city. Perturbed, his mother called her husband. "Honey, Fred has done a DNA test, and... and... I don't know how to say this... he may not be our son." "Well, obviously!" he replied. "What do you mean?" "It was your idea in the first place" her husband continued. "You remember, that first night in hospital when the baby did nothing but scream and cry and scream and cry. On and on. And you asked me to change him." "I picked a good one I reckon. Ever so proud of Fred." Good one ! Both my wife and I like it a lot. My wife even said...'ohh...that's terrible ! ' Which is high praise indeed .

07-29-2020, 04:21 AM - 12 Likes	#2914
ehrwien Site Supporter Join Date: May 2016 Posts: 2,784	A dog sends a telegram. He recites his message for the clerk. "Woof woof woof. Woof woof, woof woof, woof woof woof woof." Clerk: "Sir, for the same price, you can add two more words. How about 'Woof woof'?" Dog: "But then it wouldn’t make any sense."

07-30-2020, 07:13 AM - 6 Likes	#2915
bertwert Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Golden, BC Posts: 15,172 Original Poster	Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

07-30-2020, 01:19 PM	#2917
MarkJerling Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 20,422	Tried to fix your link Bob, but it says content only available to registered members on that site.

07-30-2020, 01:31 PM - 11 Likes	#2918
MarkJerling Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 20,422	Then there is the story of 2 nude statues, a male and female, which stood looking at each other in the town square for a couple of hundred years. One day an angel said to them, “Would you like to be flesh and blood instead of stone for just a couple of hours? Isn’t there something you would really like to do together after all this time staring at each other?” They eagerly accepted. After they had finished the female said to the male, “That was fun. Shall we do it again?” To which he replied, “Yes, but this time you hold the pigeon down while I poop on it.”

07-30-2020, 02:39 PM - 1 Like	#2919
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Originally posted by MarkJerling Tried to fix your link Bob, but it says content only available to registered members on that site. Thanks Mark. Fixed now, I hope.

07-30-2020, 03:57 PM - 5 Likes	#2920
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,333	A young man went to his father and said "Daddy, I'm in love with Suzy from down the block. I want to marry her". "Son, you can't marry Suzy" "Why not?" "Let's just say your daddy used to get around" "Momma, I just told daddy that I want to marry Suzy but he said I couldn't because he used to 'get around' "Son, you go ahead and marry her. Your daddy aint the only one that used to get around."

07-30-2020, 04:41 PM - 2 Likes	#2921
MarkJerling Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 20,422	Originally posted by robtcorl Thanks Mark. Fixed now, I hope. Good one. So, how do you say it? We say "Wooster-sauce"

07-30-2020, 10:26 PM - 3 Likes	#2922
bobD Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Waikikamukau Photos: Albums Posts: 1,248	"Wuss-ta"

07-31-2020, 07:33 AM - 1 Like	#2923
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Originally posted by MarkJerling So, how do you say it? We say "Wooster-sauce" Woosty sauce.

07-31-2020, 07:41 AM - 1 Like	#2924
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,339	Whatever would Bertram say ?