[luftfluss]

Could even a Welshman pronounce that ?

Youtu.be

Youtu.be

[SpecialK]

According to the United Kingdom Census 2011, only 19 per cent of residents in Wales aged three and over were able to speak Welsh.

Percentage of respondents indicating they could speak Welsh.

[Parallax]

A ship was approaching the coast one night and could faintly see a light through the fog and it was getting closer. The Captain picked up the bullhorn and said "Approaching vessel, turn 10 degrees starboard".
A voice came back saying "Negative. Turn your vessel 10 degrees starboard immediately!"
The Captain said "I am Captain Jones aboard a U.S. Navy warship! Turn starboard NOW!
The voice on the other end said "I am Petty Officer 2nd Class Smith on a U.S. Coast Guard lighthouse so turn or don't, it's your choice, sir."

[StiffLegged]

According to the United Kingdom Census 2011, only 19 per cent of residents in Wales aged three and over were able to speak Welsh.

You should see the figures for Scots able to speak Gaelic (very, very few). Which reminds me...

A Spanish academic from the University of Madrid was enjoying his summer visit to the Outer Hebrides and discovered Hector in the neighbouring house was Professor of Gaelic at Aberdeen University. They compared notes on each other’s language until Hector asked what was the meaning and usage of ‘mañana’. With a wry smile, Xavier explained the literal meaning as ‘tomorrow’ and the implied “leave for tomorrow what doesn’t have to be done now” and then asked if there was an equivalent word in Gaelic. “Och, no,” Hector replied, “nothing so hasty.”

[Parallax]

So it seems the Gaelic, translated, would be something like "never put off until tomorrow what can be put off indefinitely".

[StiffLegged]

A true Western Isles man would say "There's no hurry at aal, at aal." No need for a particular word.



Another tale, this time of three Scots bricklayers, hunting for work, who enquired of vacancies with a firm of builders. The boss called the first man in for interview. "How many bricks can you lay in a day?" he asked. "Six hundred" was the dour East Lothian-accented reply. "Are you observant?" he then asked. "Aye..." was the cautious answer. "All right, you look at me and tell me what you see." The bricklayer looked closely at the boss and declared "Your right ear's quarter of an inch lower than your left." "Very good, start tomorrow!" said the boss.

The second tradesman was then called. In a cocky Glaswegian voice he declared he could lay seven hundred bricks in a day. This was good, but was he observant? "Me? Oh aye!" "Right then, you look at me and tell me you what you see." Barely pausing, the brickie replied the boss's right ear was a quarter inch lower than his left. "Very good," the boss declared, "start tomorrow!

Finally the third man was called and slowly stepped into the room. "Well, how many bricks can you lay in a day?" the boss asked and In a distinct, lilting Lewis accent the man slowly answered "Ah... Two thousand five hundred, sir." Incredulous, the boss protested "Two and a half thousand bricks a day?? Are you sure about that?" "...Aye, sir... aye." "All right then, are you observant?" the boss asked suspiciously. "...Aye sir,... I am that." "Right, you look at me and you tell me what you see!" With only a small pause, the man answered "You wear contact lenses, sir." "Thats amazing! But how did you know I wear contact lenses??" "Ach well, sir ... you're not going to be wearing the glasses with ears like that."

[Jean Poitiers]

"Nature is incredible isn't it"

Attached Images

 

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Last edited by Jean Poitiers; 08-05-2020 at 09:52 AM.

[35mmfilmfan]

Last Halloween, I was awakened from my usual post-prandial slumber by a knock, firm and insistent, at my front door. I roused myself, and grasping a stout cudgel for protection if necessary, I unlocked the door.

All the kids had stopped demanding 'Trick or Treat' some time previously, and I was anticipating no visitors.

On my door step stood a faint ethereal figure, dressed in habiliments of a bygone age, smiling at me.

I realised it was - a ghost.

Politely, I enquired the phantom's name, and he replied, in a voice like the creaking opening of a nailed down coffin lid, 'Hector'.

'Hector who ?' I asked.








'Hector Plasm' he replied, and vanished.

[WPRESTO]

A ship was approaching the coast one night and could faintly see a light through the fog and it was getting closer. The Captain picked up the bullhorn and said "Approaching vessel, turn 10 degrees starboard".
A voice came back saying "Negative. Turn your vessel 10 degrees starboard immediately!"
The Captain said "I am Captain Jones aboard a U.S. Navy warship! Turn starboard NOW!
The voice on the other end said "I am Petty Officer 2nd Class Smith on a U.S. Coast Guard lighthouse so turn or don't, it's your choice, sir."

Somewhat along the same lines. A bomber during WWII had a new navigator, fresh from training and a bit of a hotshot.

"Shift 2 degrees west."
"Turn 1 degree east"
"Shift one degree back to the west."

The exasperated pilot finally yelled back: "Look, I cannot adjust one or two degrees. At best I can make make an adjustment of maybe 5 degrees."

"OK," replied the rookie navigator, " shift seven degrees west then immediately six degrees east."

[mkgd1]

Somewhat along the same lines. A bomber during WWII had a new navigator, fresh from training and a bit of a hotshot.

"Shift 2 degrees west."
"Turn 1 degree east"
"Shift one degree back to the west."

The exasperated pilot finally yelled back: "Look, I cannot adjust one or two degrees. At best I can make make an adjustment of maybe 5 degrees."

"OK," replied the rookie navigator, " shift seven degrees west then immediately six degrees east."

I had a physics teacher in Grammar School (UK high school) who was in the RAF coastal command in WWII. flying Sunderland flying boat Anti submarine patrols. One of the kids aksed him "did you drop bombs on the U Boats?
He said " No, we had huge cans of green paint. If we saw a periscope, we dropped paint on it, when they tried to surface, we would wait until they got up to 500 ft then shoot them down."

[MarkJerling]

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer: “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar coin in one hand and a five dollar note in the other, then calls the boy over and asks: “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the coin and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlour.

“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the coin instead of the note?”

The boy licked his cone and replied: “Because the day I take the note the game is over!”

[MarkJerling]

There are two rules for success in life:

Rule 1: Don't tell people everything you know.

[MarkJerling]

A fellow went into the pub and said " I will sit here all day with my talking dog rover in exchange for free beer."
The Barman said " O.K. show us what he can do."
The fellow said " O.K. Rover what's on a tree " and the Rover says Bark"
The Barman says " That's a bit weak ask him another question.
The fellow says " O.K. Rover what do you find on the top of a house?" Rover say " Roof."
The Bartender says " Get out of here you idiot."

As they are outside sitting in the gutter the bloke says to Rover
That didn't go so well did it?" and Rover said " No it didn't but you were the one asking the questions."

[arnold]

SUCCESS The need to 'SUCCEED' is constantly thrown at us
by the media Gurus. How do you relate to this overview? -

At age 4, success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success is having friends.
At age 18, success is having a driver's licence.
At age 20, success is having sex.
At age 35, success is having money.
At age 50, success is having money.
At age 60, success is having sex.
At age 70, success is having a driver's licence.
At age 75, success is having friends.
At age 80, success is not peeing in your pants.

The perks of being over 60:

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.

4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.

9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.

10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

15. You sing along with elevator music.

16. Your eyes won't get much worse.

17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

21. You can't remember who sent you this list.

[WPRESTO]

You know you're getting old if you remember:

1) when pictures of rainbows were all monochrome.
2) taking your driver's test in a Hudson Hornet.
3) when "LOL" meant "little old lady."
4) the big magnifier in front of your TV..
5) when Martin & Lewis were still a team.
6) using separate entries for girls & boys at your school.
7) vacationing along the Atlantic coast and driving the entire distance on US 1.
8) when the best place to get a hamburger was White Castle
9) flying to Europe from the USA meant a stopover on Iceland
10) when movie theaters offered double features, with Disney cartoons between