[timb64]

The Madam opened the brothel door to see a frail, elderly gentleman. "Can I help you?" the madam asked.

"I want Natalie," the old man replied.

"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..."

"No, I must see Natalie." Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereupon the man calmly left.

The next night he appeared again demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts...it was still $1,000 a visit. Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and an hour later, he left.

When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man: "No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?"

The old man replied, "I'm from Philadelphia."

"Really?" replied Natalie. "I have family who lives there."

"Yes, I know," said the old man. "Your father died, and I'm your sister's attorney. She asked me to give this $3,000 to you.

[dipo 1]

Hope this comes through

[timb64]

My last lawyer joke,I promise!


The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front.
The startled tiger turns around and says, "Hey! Cut it out, already." The rear tiger says, "Sorry," and they continue.
After about another 5 minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says, "I said stop it!." The rear tiger says, "Sorry," and they continue.
After about another 5 minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?"
The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!

[bxf]

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair, KILL HER!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said,
"Then you're not the right man for this job.

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.

The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

[mkgd1]

Q" How do mathematicians deal with constipation?
A: They work it out with pencil and paper.

[Parallax]

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 75?






"Your Honor"

[Liney]

Q" How do mathematicians deal with constipation?
A: They work it out with pencil and paper.

I heard they use a slide rule to work it out, but it depend on how big an ass you are...

[35mmfilmfan]

The plane crashed in the open ocean miles from anywhere. Within the inflatable life raft were a doctor, a politician, a lawyer, a mother and her young son. Sharks were circling around.

After a day under the blazing sun, the doctr said he'd swim for help. Within five yards, the sharks had him. Two days later, the politician tried to go for help. He got all of ten yards.

Then, the lawyer announced it was his turn. Vainly, the mother tried to dissaude him, but he stepped out of the boat. Immediately, the sharks formed a guard around him and escorted him across the ocean. The mother and child sat there astounded, until the child asked 'Why did the sharks do that ?'


The mother thought, then replied 'Professional courtesy'.

[robtcorl]

The CIA had an opening for an assassin.

In my top 5 from this thread!
I chuckle every time I think of the punchline.

[ehrwien]

Are people born with photographic memories or do they take a while to develop?

[ehrwien]

I did some amateur photography, back in the day.
One time, these two hot cheerleaders wanted a portfolio for reasons.
I took a while to set up the shot, but one of them just couldn't stay still.
Her friend finally was exasperated by all the preening and posing.
"Karen! Be still! This man is trying to focus!" said the one.
The other girl replied, "Both of us?"

[ehrwien]

Are people born with photographic memories or do they take a while to develop?

Everyone has a photographic memory, it's just that not everyone has a film loaded.

[WPRESTO]

A photographic memory? Picture that!

[Liney]

I have a mind like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in most states and territories....

I used to have a mind like a Welsh railway, one track and dirty......

[robtcorl]