[timb64]

Reference Post #3210

And lots of them are getting very good at it!

[Parallax]

Someone once told me "Cheer up. Things could be worse", so I cheered up.
Damned if he wasn't right.
Things got worse.

[mkgd1]

A group of foreign tourists, camping in Alaska were attacked by bears and one of them from the Czech Republic, was killed and eaten.
Rangers brought in a tracker to follow the bears. Later they came upon a group of bears, one boar and a couple of sows.
The tracker pointed to the boar and said, "there's your culprit, shoot him."
The ranger said " how do you know which one did it?"
Tracker replied "You must have been told a thousand times. The Czech is always in the male."

[lesmore49]

Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda pressing.

[StiffLegged]

A man phoned the law firm of Smith, Smith, Smith & Smith and asked to speak to Mr Smith.

I'm sorry, Mr Smith is in conference and can't be disturbed.

Then may I speak to Mr Smith, please?

I'm sorry, but Mr Smith is in court all day.

Then may I speak to Mr Smith, please?

I'm sorry, Mr Smith is on annual leave and cannot be reached.

Then may I speak to Mr Smith, please?

Speaking...

[bxf]

Chicken recipe

[WPRESTO]

Did you hear about the lawyer who out of sympathy for the poverty of the client, waived his fees? Neither have I.

[bxf]

I posted these three years ago, and I believe they are worth repeating. Apologies if you disagree

A lawyer was driving to his suburban home in his fancy car, when he sees a man in a field along the road, eating grass.

He stops the car, gets out and asks the man why he is eating grass.The man replies "I am poor, and have no money for food".

The lawyer says, hmmm, hop in the car. We are going to my house.

The poor man then points to several people just a bit further in the field and says "but I have my wife and children there".

The lawyer then says "great, let's take everybody. The grass in my yard is two feet high!"

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In 1986, Dan Harrison was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully.He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant"s foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dans legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn't the same elephant!

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Recently a man in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Renault van ran out of petrol.

When asked how he could devise such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

[Parallax]

.....................

[robtcorl]

When I told my doctor about my recent loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

[robtcorl]

How do you tell a male ant from a female ant?
Drop it in water, if it sinks, girl ant.
If it floats...........

[bxf]

How do you tell a male ant from a female ant?
Drop it in water, if it sinks it's a girl ant.
If it floats...........

20 seconds...

[Liney]

.....................

Perhaps its just a very, very, long swab......

[Parallax]

[robtcorl]