The Joke Thread

normhead · 01-07-2021, 11:41 AM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by c.a.m

Were you mean?

Apparently..

It does remind me one of my students once called me a psychological terrorist, although I can't remember the exact context.

35mmfilmfan · 01-07-2021, 03:17 PM - **3 Likes**

I was in my local supermarket today, buying a few essentials (bread, milk, cheese, rice, eggs) and I saw a lady with two count them two shopping carts, each piled high with loo rolls. When I politely enquired why, she looked at me (facial expression unreadable thanks to mask, but her eyes spoke volumes) and said 'In case there's any panic buying, of course'. She totally failed to see the irony.

Parallax · 01-07-2021, 03:29 PM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan

wo shopping carts, each piled high with loo rolls.

When the going gets tough the tough buy toilet paper.

**WPRESTO** · 01-07-2021, 05:49 PM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by Parallax

When the going gets tough the tough buy toilet paper.

Now why is it that foreigners think that Americans are full of . . . . . . . .?

Kunzite · 01-08-2021, 10:09 AM - **6 Likes**

Let's go back to jokes, OK?

So... the Little Red Riding Hood was happily walking through the forest towards the Grandma's house - when suddenly the wolf's head appeared from a bush:
"Hey, Little Red Riding Hood, what are you doing all alone in the forest?"
"Going to my Grandma, she's living not far from here!"
"Aaand... what do you have in that basket?"
"Cookies for my Grandma, some pie, lemonade..."
"Yeah, yeah, forget all that; do you have some toilet paper, by chance?"

Martin Stu · 01-08-2021, 11:12 AM - **2 Likes**

- Well, how did your son like the New Year's gifts?
- Oh ... He broke all the presents! He crashed the car, the tank and all the other toys ...
- And broke my gift?
- No, your small hammer is intact.

SimonC · 01-08-2021, 01:14 PM - **2 Likes**

I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course

I’m really struggling to get out of it!

SimonC · 01-10-2021, 02:36 PM - **5 Likes**

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We’ll see about that.

bertwert · 01-11-2021, 05:00 PM - **6 Likes**

The mathematics professors' testimony:

I swear that the theorem to be given by me shall show the proof, the whole proof, and nothing but the proof.

robtcorl · 01-11-2021, 05:13 PM - **7 Likes**

I bought a chicken to make sandwiches.

It doesn't, it just poops all over the floor.

Lhorn · 01-11-2021, 05:40 PM - **8 Likes**

Heard a joke by Anthony Jeselnik, comedian know for a dark sense of humor.

Last year was a bad year for my family. My mother should have been celebrating her 60th birthday but because of drugs, alcohol and other bad decisions, we all forgot.

SimonC · 01-12-2021, 03:15 AM - **8 Likes**

I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger...

...and then it hit me!

Jean Poitiers · 01-12-2021, 09:11 AM - **4 Likes**

"2020 giving an office tour to 2021"

Jean Poitiers · 01-12-2021, 09:16 AM - **12 Likes**

Column 1 = Planet

Column 2 = Number of deaths

Column 3 = Presence of pizza with pineapple

"Coincidence?"

jeallen01 · 01-12-2021, 02:33 PM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by Parallax

When the going gets tough the tough buy toilet paper.

I just go to COSTCO, well in advance of "the going gets tough"

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01-07-2021, 11:41 AM - 2 Likes	#3631
normhead Pentaxian Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Near Algonquin Park Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 40,451	Originally posted by c.a.m Were you mean? Apparently.. It does remind me one of my students once called me a psychological terrorist, although I can't remember the exact context.

01-07-2021, 03:17 PM - 3 Likes	#3632
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,336	I was in my local supermarket today, buying a few essentials (bread, milk, cheese, rice, eggs) and I saw a lady with two count them two shopping carts, each piled high with loo rolls. When I politely enquired why, she looked at me (facial expression unreadable thanks to mask, but her eyes spoke volumes) and said 'In case there's any panic buying, of course'. She totally failed to see the irony.

01-07-2021, 03:29 PM - 2 Likes	#3633
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,332	Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan wo shopping carts, each piled high with loo rolls. When the going gets tough the tough buy toilet paper.

01-07-2021, 05:49 PM - 2 Likes	#3634
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,137	Originally posted by Parallax When the going gets tough the tough buy toilet paper. Now why is it that foreigners think that Americans are full of . . . . . . . .?

01-08-2021, 10:09 AM - 6 Likes	#3635
Kunzite Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Romania Posts: 15,132	Let's go back to jokes, OK? So... the Little Red Riding Hood was happily walking through the forest towards the Grandma's house - when suddenly the wolf's head appeared from a bush: "Hey, Little Red Riding Hood, what are you doing all alone in the forest?" "Going to my Grandma, she's living not far from here!" "Aaand... what do you have in that basket?" "Cookies for my Grandma, some pie, lemonade..." "Yeah, yeah, forget all that; do you have some toilet paper, by chance?"

01-08-2021, 11:12 AM - 2 Likes	#3636
Martin Stu Pentaxian Join Date: Jan 2019 Posts: 1,115	- Well, how did your son like the New Year's gifts? - Oh ... He broke all the presents! He crashed the car, the tank and all the other toys ... - And broke my gift? - No, your small hammer is intact.

01-08-2021, 01:14 PM - 2 Likes	#3637
SimonC Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Trearddur Bay, Isle of Anglesey Posts: 466	I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course I’m really struggling to get out of it!

01-10-2021, 02:36 PM - 5 Likes	#3638
SimonC Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Trearddur Bay, Isle of Anglesey Posts: 466	My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

01-11-2021, 05:00 PM - 6 Likes	#3639
bertwert Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Golden, BC Posts: 15,172 Original Poster	The mathematics professors' testimony: I swear that the theorem to be given by me shall show the proof, the whole proof, and nothing but the proof.

01-11-2021, 05:13 PM - 7 Likes	#3640
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	I bought a chicken to make sandwiches. It doesn't, it just poops all over the floor.

01-11-2021, 05:40 PM - 8 Likes	#3641
Lhorn Veteran Member Join Date: Jan 2019 Posts: 554	Heard a joke by Anthony Jeselnik, comedian know for a dark sense of humor. Last year was a bad year for my family. My mother should have been celebrating her 60th birthday but because of drugs, alcohol and other bad decisions, we all forgot.

01-12-2021, 03:15 AM - 8 Likes	#3642
SimonC Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Trearddur Bay, Isle of Anglesey Posts: 466	I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger... ...and then it hit me!

01-12-2021, 02:33 PM - 2 Likes	#3645
jeallen01 Pentaxian Join Date: May 2008 Location: London, UK Posts: 1,697	Originally posted by Parallax When the going gets tough the tough buy toilet paper. I just go to COSTCO, well in advance of "the going gets tough"