The Joke Thread

**rod_grant** · 03-14-2021, 05:17 PM

Craig, there is a suburb close to the city on the east side, I don't go to at all - well at least not since 1970 when I visited the showroom of a builder to select fittings.

Martin Stu · 03-15-2021, 06:22 AM - **1 Like**

A man walks through the desert, languishing with heat and thirst, suddenly sees that the lamp is lying. He rubbed it, and the genie flies out: - What are you ordering, my lord? - I want to go home! - Well, let's go ... - No, you don't understand, I want to hurry! - Well, then we ran!

slartibartfast01 · 03-15-2021, 06:29 AM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by Martin Stu

A man walks through the desert, languishing with heat and thirst, suddenly sees that the lamp is lying. He rubbed it, and the gin flies out: - What are you ordering, my lord? - I want to go home! - Well, let's go ... - No, you don't understand, I want to hurry! - Well, then we ran!

I must be missing something.

Martin Stu · 03-15-2021, 06:43 AM

Originally posted by slartibartfast01

I must be missing something.

sorry, of course this is not gin, but genie

the man thought that this fabulous genie would take him home in an instant (the genie's lamp)

Last edited by Martin Stu; 03-15-2021 at 06:56 AM.

**cartesio** · 03-15-2021, 10:53 AM - **7 Likes**

Stephen King has a brother named Joe.

I’m not joking, but he is.

35mmfilmfan · 03-15-2021, 05:58 PM - **4 Likes**

van Gogh -

Ear today - gone tomorrow

**clackers** · 03-16-2021, 09:26 PM - **5 Likes**

"This bloke buys a farm and on the first day there, his neighbour introduces himself.

'I'm having a party tonight,' says the neighbour. 'Why don't you come over? Plenty of booze, sex and drugs.'

'Great!' says the new bloke, 'Thanks very much'.

Later that day the new bloke rings his neighbour and says, 'I forgot to ask - what time tonight?'

'Oh, come any time you like,' replies the neighbour, 'It's only me and you.'

**WPRESTO** · 03-17-2021, 07:25 AM - **1 Like**

Are antibodies made from antimatter?

If they fight future infections does that make them antebellum antimatter antibodies?

If you get an injection from a nurse who is your father's sister, does that make them auntie's antebellum antimatter antibodies?

If they solve the pandemic problem, does that make them auntie's antebellum antimatter antibody antidote?

If it can also be used to treat some wildlife, could that make it auntie's antebellum antimatter antibody antidote for antelope?

If antivaxxers - - - nope, I give up here.

OK, I'll carry on.
If antivaxxers declared all vaccines ungodly then

The vaccine would be an antivaxer's auntie's anti-Christ antebellum antimatter antibody antidote for antelope.

And if it were distributed in Australia

the vaccine would be an antivaxxer's auntie's anti-Christ antebellum antimatter antibody antidote for antelope and antipodeans.

And if it were approved for insectivorous wildlife as well as herbivores .

the vaccine would be an antivaxxer's auntie's anti-Christ antebellum antimatter antibody antidote for antelope, antipodeans and anteaters.

If it could also be used topically to sterilize wounds then

the vaccine would be an antivaxxer's auntie's anti-Christ antebellum antimatter antibody antidote and antiseptic for antelope, antipodeans and anteaters..

The antivaxxer's auntie's anti-Christ antebellum antimatter antibody antidote and antiseptic for antelope, antipodeans and anteaters is anticipated!

bxf · 03-17-2021, 05:20 PM - **6 Likes**

For St. Patrick's Day...

**steamloco76** · 03-17-2021, 06:59 PM - **12 Likes**

A minister, a priest and a rabbit walk into a Red Cross blood bank.
The rabbit says “ I believe I’m a Type O” .

SpecialK · 03-17-2021, 10:59 PM - **4 Likes**

Originally posted by eddie1960

... I didn't realize it meant they used Ponies still in the US...

The camel experiment did not work out.

Seriously, camels don't like rocky ground. Hi Jolly's grave is the most popular tourist attraction in Quartzsite. Runners up may include two retired F4 fighter jets parked on a street corner in a "Freedom Garden", and a normally-unremarkable ironwood tree over 1,000 years old, named The Great Tree...

**BigDave** · 03-18-2021, 01:53 PM - **10 Likes**

This one has been out there for awhile, but still makes me laugh. Read ALL of it!

Martin Stu · 03-19-2021, 10:22 AM - **3 Likes**

Teacher:
- Great, Little Johnny, this time the homework was done without errors. Are you sure no one helped daddy !?

35mmfilmfan · 03-20-2021, 02:15 AM - **6 Likes**

And on the tombstone, carve this, Dan :
‘Here lies a Lawyer and an honest man’.

This cannot be done, your pardon I crave -
You may not bury two men in the same grave.

Martin Stu · 03-21-2021, 05:18 AM - **5 Likes**

A young lawyer runs to his father, an old lawyer, and joyfully says: “Father! I won a case in one day that you've been doing for 20 years!
The father replies: "You fool, son! Thanks to this case, I fed you for 20 years."...

03-15-2021, 06:22 AM - 1 Like	#3797
Martin Stu Pentaxian Join Date: Jan 2019 Posts: 1,115	A man walks through the desert, languishing with heat and thirst, suddenly sees that the lamp is lying. He rubbed it, and the genie flies out: - What are you ordering, my lord? - I want to go home! - Well, let's go ... - No, you don't understand, I want to hurry! - Well, then we ran! Last edited by Martin Stu; 03-15-2021 at 06:47 AM.

03-17-2021, 07:25 AM - 1 Like	#3803
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,106	Are antibodies made from antimatter? If they fight future infections does that make them antebellum antimatter antibodies? If you get an injection from a nurse who is your father's sister, does that make them auntie's antebellum antimatter antibodies? If they solve the pandemic problem, does that make them auntie's antebellum antimatter antibody antidote? If it can also be used to treat some wildlife, could that make it auntie's antebellum antimatter antibody antidote for antelope? If antivaxxers - - - nope, I give up here. OK, I'll carry on. If antivaxxers declared all vaccines ungodly then The vaccine would be an antivaxer's auntie's anti-Christ antebellum antimatter antibody antidote for antelope. And if it were distributed in Australia the vaccine would be an antivaxxer's auntie's anti-Christ antebellum antimatter antibody antidote for antelope and antipodeans. And if it were approved for insectivorous wildlife as well as herbivores . the vaccine would be an antivaxxer's auntie's anti-Christ antebellum antimatter antibody antidote for antelope, antipodeans and anteaters. If it could also be used topically to sterilize wounds then the vaccine would be an antivaxxer's auntie's anti-Christ antebellum antimatter antibody antidote and antiseptic for antelope, antipodeans and anteaters.. The antivaxxer's auntie's anti-Christ antebellum antimatter antibody antidote and antiseptic for antelope, antipodeans and anteaters is anticipated! Last edited by WPRESTO; 03-18-2021 at 02:24 PM.

03-17-2021, 10:59 PM - 4 Likes	#3806
SpecialK Pentaxian Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: So California Photos: Gallery Posts: 16,480	Originally posted by eddie1960 ... I didn't realize it meant they used Ponies still in the US... The camel experiment did not work out. Seriously, camels don't like rocky ground. Hi Jolly's grave is the most popular tourist attraction in Quartzsite. Runners up may include two retired F4 fighter jets parked on a street corner in a "Freedom Garden", and a normally-unremarkable ironwood tree over 1,000 years old, named The Great Tree... Last edited by SpecialK; 03-21-2021 at 04:24 PM.

03-21-2021, 05:18 AM - 5 Likes	#3810
Martin Stu Pentaxian Join Date: Jan 2019 Posts: 1,115	A young lawyer runs to his father, an old lawyer, and joyfully says: “Father! I won a case in one day that you've been doing for 20 years! The father replies: "You fool, son! Thanks to this case, I fed you for 20 years."... Last edited by Martin Stu; 03-21-2021 at 05:45 AM.

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03-14-2021, 05:17 PM	#3796
rod_grant Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Wangaratta, Victoria Photos: Gallery Posts: 6,951	Craig, there is a suburb close to the city on the east side, I don't go to at all - well at least not since 1970 when I visited the showroom of a builder to select fittings.

03-15-2021, 06:29 AM - 2 Likes	#3798
slartibartfast01 Pentaxian Join Date: May 2015 Photos: Gallery Posts: 1,931	Originally posted by Martin Stu A man walks through the desert, languishing with heat and thirst, suddenly sees that the lamp is lying. He rubbed it, and the gin flies out: - What are you ordering, my lord? - I want to go home! - Well, let's go ... - No, you don't understand, I want to hurry! - Well, then we ran! I must be missing something.

03-15-2021, 06:43 AM	#3799
Martin Stu Pentaxian Join Date: Jan 2019 Posts: 1,115	Originally posted by slartibartfast01 I must be missing something. sorry, of course this is not gin, but genie the man thought that this fabulous genie would take him home in an instant (the genie's lamp) Last edited by Martin Stu; 03-15-2021 at 06:56 AM.

03-15-2021, 10:53 AM - 7 Likes	#3800
cartesio Site Supporter Join Date: Jun 2016 Photos: Gallery Posts: 899	Stephen King has a brother named Joe. I’m not joking, but he is.

03-15-2021, 05:58 PM - 4 Likes	#3801
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,329	van Gogh - Ear today - gone tomorrow

03-16-2021, 09:26 PM - 5 Likes	#3802
clackers Otis Memorial Pentaxian Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Melbourne Photos: Albums Posts: 16,397	"This bloke buys a farm and on the first day there, his neighbour introduces himself. 'I'm having a party tonight,' says the neighbour. 'Why don't you come over? Plenty of booze, sex and drugs.' 'Great!' says the new bloke, 'Thanks very much'. Later that day the new bloke rings his neighbour and says, 'I forgot to ask - what time tonight?' 'Oh, come any time you like,' replies the neighbour, 'It's only me and you.'

03-17-2021, 05:20 PM - 6 Likes	#3804
bxf Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Lisbon area Posts: 1,660	For St. Patrick's Day...

03-17-2021, 06:59 PM - 12 Likes	#3805
steamloco76 Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: Pennsylvania Photos: Gallery Posts: 2,710	A minister, a priest and a rabbit walk into a Red Cross blood bank. The rabbit says “ I believe I’m a Type O” .

03-18-2021, 01:53 PM - 10 Likes	#3807
BigDave Site Supporter Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Hudson Valley, NY Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 2,626	This one has been out there for awhile, but still makes me laugh. Read ALL of it!

03-19-2021, 10:22 AM - 3 Likes	#3808
Martin Stu Pentaxian Join Date: Jan 2019 Posts: 1,115	Teacher: - Great, Little Johnny, this time the homework was done without errors. Are you sure no one helped daddy !?

03-20-2021, 02:15 AM - 6 Likes	#3809
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,329	And on the tombstone, carve this, Dan : ‘Here lies a Lawyer and an honest man’. This cannot be done, your pardon I crave - You may not bury two men in the same grave.