The Joke Thread

35mmfilmfan · 06-20-2021, 02:47 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by RobA_Oz

Hey! We’re not all spotty Herberts with poor dress sense.

'My name is not Herbert ! I am James Bottle, 007 3/4 (cap size)'

**cartesio** · 06-20-2021, 03:29 AM

Originally posted by ehrwien

Well, actually... the hour hand will be pointing exactly downwards only at 6:00. So half an hour later, it will have moved on from that position 15° when the minute hand is pointing exactly downwards. I think however that 6:30 at least minimizes the sum of the absolute deviations of both hands from pointing exactly down, so I'll give you a pass on that one.. for now

if we don't count the absolute values of the deviations however, say we want to balance the hands, the equilibrium will be reached somewhere between 6:25 and 6:26?

The equilibrium or one equilibrium? Pedantibus speaking...

**ehrwien** · 06-20-2021, 03:32 AM

Originally posted by cartesio

The equilibrium or one equilibrium? Pedantibus speaking...

The one relevant to the question at hand of course

Oh, you just made me realize that 5:34 - 5:35 is probably going to be closer?

timb64 · 06-20-2021, 04:43 AM - **5 Likes**

Originally posted by ehrwien

The one relevant to the question at hand of course

Oh, you just made me realize that 5:34 - 5:35 is probably going to be closer?

12-00 wins,all ends up!

**ehrwien** · 06-20-2021, 04:47 AM

Originally posted by timb64

12-00 wins,all ends up!

There's no debating that

Michael Piziak · 06-20-2021, 06:13 AM - **6 Likes**

Michael Piziak · 06-20-2021, 09:11 AM - **4 Likes**

Michael Piziak · 06-20-2021, 11:50 AM - **3 Likes**

robtcorl · 06-21-2021, 05:23 AM - **4 Likes**

Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said, “I know that you guys are forgiven because you’re here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big. What kind of car you get will depend on your answer.”
The first guy walked up and St. Peter asked him, “How long were you married?” He answered, “24 years.” “Did you ever cheat on your wife?”, St. Peter asked. The guy said, “Yeah, 7 times … but you said I was forgiven.” St. Peter said, “Yeah, but that’s not too good. Here’s a Pinto to drive.”
The second guy walked up and got the same question from St. Peter. He answered, “I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year and we really worked it out.” St. Peter said, “I’m pleased to hear that. Here’s a Lincoln.”
The third guy walked up and said, “St. Peter, I know what you’re going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn’t even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!” St. Peter said, “That’s what I like to hear. Here’s a Jaguar!”
A few days later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar, crying on the golden sidewalk.
When they asked him what was wrong, he said, “I just saw my wife. She was on a skateboard!”'

Michael Piziak · 06-21-2021, 06:13 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by robtcorl

Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said, “I know that you guys are forgiven because you’re here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big. What kind of car you get will depend on your answer.”
The first guy walked up and St. Peter asked him, “How long were you married?” He answered, “24 years.” “Did you ever cheat on your wife?”, St. Peter asked. The guy said, “Yeah, 7 times … but you said I was forgiven.” St. Peter said, “Yeah, but that’s not too good. Here’s a Pinto to drive.”
The second guy walked up and got the same question from St. Peter. He answered, “I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year and we really worked it out.” St. Peter said, “I’m pleased to hear that. Here’s a Lincoln.”
The third guy walked up and said, “St. Peter, I know what you’re going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn’t even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!” St. Peter said, “That’s what I like to hear. Here’s a Jaguar!”
A few days later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar, crying on the golden sidewalk.
When they asked him what was wrong, he said, “I just saw my wife. She was on a skateboard!”'

good one robtcorl!

---------- Post added 06-21-21 at 06:13 AM ----------

---------- Post added 06-21-21 at 06:24 AM ----------

---------- Post added 06-21-21 at 07:11 AM ----------

Michael Piziak · 06-21-2021, 09:01 AM - **3 Likes**

**Digitalis** · 06-21-2021, 09:09 PM - **6 Likes**

Telling dad jokes when you don't have any kids is a bit of a faux pa.

35mmfilmfan · 06-21-2021, 11:12 PM - **5 Likes**

How to get your neighbours worried :

Put an anonymous Father's Day card through their letter box.

Parallax · 06-22-2021, 02:12 PM - **12 Likes**

I once sat up all night trying to figure out what makes the sun rise.

It finally dawned on me.

robtcorl · 06-23-2021, 03:29 PM - **9 Likes**

I have 2 dogs, one I named Timex, the other Rolex.

They're watch dogs.

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06-20-2021, 02:47 AM - 1 Like	#4021
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,339	Originally posted by RobA_Oz Hey! We’re not all spotty Herberts with poor dress sense. 'My name is not Herbert ! I am James Bottle, 007 3/4 (cap size)'

06-20-2021, 03:29 AM	#4022
cartesio Site Supporter Join Date: Jun 2016 Photos: Gallery Posts: 900	Originally posted by ehrwien Well, actually... the hour hand will be pointing exactly downwards only at 6:00. So half an hour later, it will have moved on from that position 15° when the minute hand is pointing exactly downwards. I think however that 6:30 at least minimizes the sum of the absolute deviations of both hands from pointing exactly down, so I'll give you a pass on that one.. for now if we don't count the absolute values of the deviations however, say we want to balance the hands, the equilibrium will be reached somewhere between 6:25 and 6:26? The equilibrium or one equilibrium? Pedantibus speaking...

06-20-2021, 03:32 AM	#4023
ehrwien Site Supporter Join Date: May 2016 Posts: 2,784	Originally posted by cartesio The equilibrium or one equilibrium? Pedantibus speaking... The one relevant to the question at hand of course Oh, you just made me realize that 5:34 - 5:35 is probably going to be closer?

06-20-2021, 04:43 AM - 5 Likes	#4024
timb64 Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: /Situation : Doing my best to avoid idiots! Photos: Gallery Posts: 9,514	Originally posted by ehrwien The one relevant to the question at hand of course Oh, you just made me realize that 5:34 - 5:35 is probably going to be closer? 12-00 wins,all ends up!

06-20-2021, 04:47 AM	#4025
ehrwien Site Supporter Join Date: May 2016 Posts: 2,784	Originally posted by timb64 12-00 wins,all ends up! There's no debating that

06-20-2021, 06:13 AM - 6 Likes	#4026
Michael Piziak Closed Account Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: West Virginia Posts: 2,815

06-20-2021, 09:11 AM - 4 Likes	#4027
Michael Piziak Closed Account Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: West Virginia Posts: 2,815

06-20-2021, 11:50 AM - 3 Likes	#4028
Michael Piziak Closed Account Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: West Virginia Posts: 2,815

06-21-2021, 05:23 AM - 4 Likes	#4029
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said, “I know that you guys are forgiven because you’re here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big. What kind of car you get will depend on your answer.” The first guy walked up and St. Peter asked him, “How long were you married?” He answered, “24 years.” “Did you ever cheat on your wife?”, St. Peter asked. The guy said, “Yeah, 7 times … but you said I was forgiven.” St. Peter said, “Yeah, but that’s not too good. Here’s a Pinto to drive.” The second guy walked up and got the same question from St. Peter. He answered, “I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year and we really worked it out.” St. Peter said, “I’m pleased to hear that. Here’s a Lincoln.” The third guy walked up and said, “St. Peter, I know what you’re going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn’t even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!” St. Peter said, “That’s what I like to hear. Here’s a Jaguar!” A few days later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar, crying on the golden sidewalk. When they asked him what was wrong, he said, “I just saw my wife. She was on a skateboard!”'

06-21-2021, 06:13 AM - 1 Like	#4030
Michael Piziak Closed Account Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: West Virginia Posts: 2,815	Originally posted by robtcorl Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said, “I know that you guys are forgiven because you’re here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big. What kind of car you get will depend on your answer.” The first guy walked up and St. Peter asked him, “How long were you married?” He answered, “24 years.” “Did you ever cheat on your wife?”, St. Peter asked. The guy said, “Yeah, 7 times … but you said I was forgiven.” St. Peter said, “Yeah, but that’s not too good. Here’s a Pinto to drive.” The second guy walked up and got the same question from St. Peter. He answered, “I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year and we really worked it out.” St. Peter said, “I’m pleased to hear that. Here’s a Lincoln.” The third guy walked up and said, “St. Peter, I know what you’re going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn’t even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!” St. Peter said, “That’s what I like to hear. Here’s a Jaguar!” A few days later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar, crying on the golden sidewalk. When they asked him what was wrong, he said, “I just saw my wife. She was on a skateboard!”' good one robtcorl! ---------- Post added 06-21-21 at 06:13 AM ---------- ---------- Post added 06-21-21 at 06:24 AM ---------- ---------- Post added 06-21-21 at 07:11 AM ----------

06-21-2021, 09:01 AM - 3 Likes	#4031
Michael Piziak Closed Account Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: West Virginia Posts: 2,815

06-21-2021, 09:09 PM - 6 Likes	#4032
Digitalis Site Supporter Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Melbourne, Victoria Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,694	Telling dad jokes when you don't have any kids is a bit of a faux pa.

06-21-2021, 11:12 PM - 5 Likes	#4033
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,339	How to get your neighbours worried : Put an anonymous Father's Day card through their letter box.

06-22-2021, 02:12 PM - 12 Likes	#4034
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,333	I once sat up all night trying to figure out what makes the sun rise. It finally dawned on me.

06-23-2021, 03:29 PM - 9 Likes	#4035
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	I have 2 dogs, one I named Timex, the other Rolex. They're watch dogs.