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timb64 · 12-17-2021, 03:23 AM

Originally posted by slartibartfast01

Well I have never heard human flesh referred to as "long chicken"

Or long pig!

Long pig - Oxford Reference

There was an English rock group in the 90s called The Longpigs in reference to this

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Longpigs

slartibartfast01 · 12-17-2021, 03:37 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by timb64

Or long pig!

Long pig - Oxford Reference

There was an English rock group in the 90s called The Longpigs in reference to this

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Longpigs

You literally (correct use) quoted the same reference as me

timb64 · 12-17-2021, 05:45 AM - **7 Likes**

Originally posted by slartibartfast01

You literally (correct use) quoted the same reference as me

That'll teach me to read things properly!

Back to the jokes

What’s the difference between Covid-19 and Romeo and Juliet?

One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis!

Martin Stu · 12-17-2021, 06:33 AM - **2 Likes**

the virus of laughter

Last edited by Martin Stu; 12-18-2021 at 11:31 PM.

**cartesio** · 12-17-2021, 06:50 AM

Originally posted by slartibartfast01

Well I have never heard human flesh referred to as "long chicken"

Long pig - Oxford Reference

Originally posted by timb64

Or long pig!

Long pig - Oxford Reference

There was an English rock group in the 90s called The Longpigs in reference to this

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Longpigs

Are there pigs telling jokes about short humans? Do androids....

**DamienW** · 12-17-2021, 01:49 PM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by cartesio

Are there pigs telling jokes about short humans? Do androids....

...dream of electric pigs?

**DAZ** · 12-17-2021, 02:04 PM - **4 Likes**

It is still better to be the chicken at breakfast, than the pig. The chickens is involved, but the pig is committed.

timb64 · 12-17-2021, 04:53 PM - **8 Likes**

PRAYER FOR GRANDPA

Dear God, please send clothes
for all those poor ladies on
Grandpa's computer. - Amen

**RobA_Oz** · 12-18-2021, 01:07 AM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by timb64

What’s the difference between Covid-19 and Romeo and Juliet?

One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis!

My father would have liked that word-play. Come to think of it, I didn’t mind it, either.

timb64 · 12-18-2021, 02:27 AM - **8 Likes**

A maid asked the lady of the house for a pay increase.

Her boss was annoyed at this and asked, "Now Maria, why do you deserve a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "Your husband said so."

Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Your husband did."

Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you."

Wife: (really furious now) "Did my husband say that as well?!"

Maria: "No Senora, the gardener did."

Wife: "So how much do you want?

Martin Stu · 12-18-2021, 04:00 AM - **3 Likes**

35mmfilmfan · 12-18-2021, 07:46 AM - **3 Likes**

It is said : 'Woman who spend too much time on bedspring - soon get offspring'.

**StiffLegged** · 12-18-2021, 10:32 AM - **8 Likes**

A man bought a parrot to keep, thinking how many mottos and witty sayings he could teach it to repeat when his smart friends came round. To his horror, the parrot came with an extensive repertoire of profanities already learnt and it would swear at the top of its voice on the slightest pretext. The man tried all sorts of pleading to persuade the parrot to moderate its language. He offered all sorts of treats and dainties. Lastly he tried making the parrot's quarters as comfortable as possible but his efforts were only rewarded with more apalling language.

Finally the man lost his temper and shouted at the profane parrot, but it only shouted and swore back. A blazing row ensued, culminating in the man seizing the parrot and shutting it in the freezer. The parrot continued swearing for a minute or so, then suddenly went silent. After a very guilty moment the man threw the door open in a panic – the parrot stepped out intact, but thoroughly chastened. "I must apologise for my language and behaviour," it began, "it was completely inexcusable, I'm very, very sorry and promise it won't happen again. Ever."

Back in its cage, the now subdued parrot suddenly turned and asked "Could I just ask what the turkey did??"

Martin Stu · 12-18-2021, 11:02 AM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by StiffLegged

To his horror, the parrot came with an extensive repertoire of profanities already learnt and it would swear at the top of its voice on the slightest pretext.

**Photos-by-Chas** · 12-18-2021, 01:17 PM - **5 Likes**

Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan

It is said : 'Woman who spend too much time on bedspring - soon get offspring'.

Another saying: Man and woman who make love in berry patch, soon get into jam.

12-17-2021, 03:23 AM	#4546
timb64 Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: /Situation : Doing my best to avoid idiots! Photos: Gallery Posts: 9,514	Originally posted by slartibartfast01 Well I have never heard human flesh referred to as "long chicken" Long pig - Oxford Reference Or long pig! Long pig - Oxford Reference There was an English rock group in the 90s called The Longpigs in reference to this https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Longpigs

12-18-2021, 11:02 AM - 2 Likes	#4559
Martin Stu Pentaxian Join Date: Jan 2019 Posts: 1,115	Originally posted by StiffLegged To his horror, the parrot came with an extensive repertoire of profanities already learnt and it would swear at the top of its voice on the slightest pretext. Last edited by Martin Stu; 12-18-2021 at 11:29 AM.

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12-17-2021, 03:37 AM - 1 Like	#4547
slartibartfast01 Pentaxian Join Date: May 2015 Photos: Gallery Posts: 1,931	Originally posted by timb64 Or long pig! Long pig - Oxford Reference There was an English rock group in the 90s called The Longpigs in reference to this https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Longpigs You literally (correct use) quoted the same reference as me

12-17-2021, 05:45 AM - 7 Likes	#4548
timb64 Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: /Situation : Doing my best to avoid idiots! Photos: Gallery Posts: 9,514	Originally posted by slartibartfast01 You literally (correct use) quoted the same reference as me That'll teach me to read things properly! Back to the jokes What’s the difference between Covid-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis!

12-17-2021, 06:33 AM - 2 Likes	#4549
Martin Stu Pentaxian Join Date: Jan 2019 Posts: 1,115	the virus of laughter Last edited by Martin Stu; 12-18-2021 at 11:31 PM.

12-17-2021, 06:50 AM	#4550
cartesio Site Supporter Join Date: Jun 2016 Photos: Gallery Posts: 902	Originally posted by slartibartfast01 Well I have never heard human flesh referred to as "long chicken" Long pig - Oxford Reference Originally posted by timb64 Or long pig! Long pig - Oxford Reference There was an English rock group in the 90s called The Longpigs in reference to this https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Longpigs Are there pigs telling jokes about short humans? Do androids....

12-17-2021, 01:49 PM - 2 Likes	#4551
DamienW Site Supporter Join Date: Feb 2019 Location: Canberra, Australia Posts: 847	Originally posted by cartesio Are there pigs telling jokes about short humans? Do androids.... ...dream of electric pigs?

12-17-2021, 02:04 PM - 4 Likes	#4552
DAZ Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Everett, WA USA Photos: Gallery Posts: 744	It is still better to be the chicken at breakfast, than the pig. The chickens is involved, but the pig is committed.

12-17-2021, 04:53 PM - 8 Likes	#4553
timb64 Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: /Situation : Doing my best to avoid idiots! Photos: Gallery Posts: 9,514	PRAYER FOR GRANDPA Dear God, please send clothes for all those poor ladies on Grandpa's computer. - Amen

12-18-2021, 01:07 AM - 2 Likes	#4554
RobA_Oz Site Supporter Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Tasmania, Australia Photos: Gallery Posts: 8,209	Originally posted by timb64 What’s the difference between Covid-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis! My father would have liked that word-play. Come to think of it, I didn’t mind it, either.

12-18-2021, 02:27 AM - 8 Likes	#4555
timb64 Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: /Situation : Doing my best to avoid idiots! Photos: Gallery Posts: 9,514	A maid asked the lady of the house for a pay increase. Her boss was annoyed at this and asked, "Now Maria, why do you deserve a pay increase?" Maria: "Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you." Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?" Maria: "Your husband said so." Wife: "Oh." Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you." Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?" Maria: "Your husband did." Wife: "Oh." Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you." Wife: (really furious now) "Did my husband say that as well?!" Maria: "No Senora, the gardener did." Wife: "So how much do you want?

12-18-2021, 04:00 AM - 3 Likes	#4556
Martin Stu Pentaxian Join Date: Jan 2019 Posts: 1,115

12-18-2021, 07:46 AM - 3 Likes	#4557
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,342	It is said : 'Woman who spend too much time on bedspring - soon get offspring'.

12-18-2021, 10:32 AM - 8 Likes	#4558
StiffLegged Site Supporter Join Date: Jan 2018 Photos: Gallery Posts: 4,639	A man bought a parrot to keep, thinking how many mottos and witty sayings he could teach it to repeat when his smart friends came round. To his horror, the parrot came with an extensive repertoire of profanities already learnt and it would swear at the top of its voice on the slightest pretext. The man tried all sorts of pleading to persuade the parrot to moderate its language. He offered all sorts of treats and dainties. Lastly he tried making the parrot's quarters as comfortable as possible but his efforts were only rewarded with more apalling language. Finally the man lost his temper and shouted at the profane parrot, but it only shouted and swore back. A blazing row ensued, culminating in the man seizing the parrot and shutting it in the freezer. The parrot continued swearing for a minute or so, then suddenly went silent. After a very guilty moment the man threw the door open in a panic – the parrot stepped out intact, but thoroughly chastened. "I must apologise for my language and behaviour," it began, "it was completely inexcusable, I'm very, very sorry and promise it won't happen again. Ever." Back in its cage, the now subdued parrot suddenly turned and asked "Could I just ask what the turkey did??"

12-18-2021, 01:17 PM - 5 Likes	#4560
Photos-by-Chas Site Supporter Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Northwest Pennsylvania, USA Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 1,318	Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan It is said : 'Woman who spend too much time on bedspring - soon get offspring'. Another saying: Man and woman who make love in berry patch, soon get into jam.

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