The Joke Thread

robtcorl · 02-16-2022, 06:08 PM - **3 Likes**

Originally posted by Parallax

You had to have been around in the late 70s to get this one-

Worst pick-up line ever: "Hey babe, I just put a new set of Firestone 500s on my Pinto. Want to go for a drive?"

**clackers** · 02-16-2022, 08:12 PM - **4 Likes**

I gave my wife a glue stick instead of her chap stick by mistake.
She's still not talking to me!

**steamloco76** · 02-17-2022, 09:17 AM - **11 Likes**

A woman tries getting on a bus but realises her skirt is too tight. As the bus stopped & it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed & with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, but only to discover that she couldn't. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more & again was unable to take the step. After becoming quite frustrated & embarrassed, she once again attempted to unzip her skirt more in order to allow more legroom to get on the first step of the bus. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist & placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic & turned to the would-be Samaritan & yelled
" How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are".
The Texan smiled & drawled
" Well ma'am, normally I'd agree with you but after you unzipped my fly 3 times I kinda figured we were friends".

Racer X 69 · 02-17-2022, 11:25 AM - **3 Likes**

Originally posted by robtcorl

Flames, in reverse.

I like it!

**clackers** · 02-17-2022, 03:03 PM - **8 Likes**

In a psychiatrist`s waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other, "Why are you here?"

The second answers, "I`m Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here."

The first is curious and asks, "How do you know that you`re Napoleon?"

The second responds, "God told me I was."

At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, "NO I DIDN`T!"

35mmfilmfan · 02-18-2022, 05:50 AM - **1 Like**

Don't forget - even if you are Paranoid -

It doesn't mean they are not all out to get you.

And beware of the eyes in the mirror - are you sure that they are your eyes ?

35mmfilmfan · 02-18-2022, 07:12 AM - **2 Likes**

It seems that once there was a surgeon, whose work was exemplary - led his team well, ensured the less-experienced members were fully aware of procedures, asked for instruments politely, ensured all foreign objects were removed from the incision etc - in short, the man you would choose for any invasive surgery.

He had, unfortunately, one minor failing - when it came to actually closing an incision, he suffered from indecision, and had to take his time to ensure he made no errors. Then a book was recommended to him, and after reading it, his confidence improved dramatically.

The book was called The Calmer Suture.

**StiffLegged** · 02-18-2022, 12:55 PM - **1 Like**

Grrrrroannnnnnnnnnnn!

Martin Stu · 02-19-2022, 04:27 AM

jumping training

35mmfilmfan · 02-19-2022, 06:59 AM

Originally posted by StiffLegged

Grrrrroannnnnnnnnnnn!

Titus ?

Martin Stu · 02-22-2022, 06:16 AM

transformation

Parallax · 02-22-2022, 01:05 PM - **10 Likes**

.......................

Parallax · 02-22-2022, 01:06 PM - **7 Likes**

All national anthems are country music.

robtcorl · 02-22-2022, 03:59 PM - **7 Likes**

If two vegans have an argument, is it still called a beef?

Parallax · 02-23-2022, 03:53 PM - **3 Likes**

In the U.S. "Columbus Day" is a holiday.
I've always wondered what we're supposed to do as a celebration.
Head to the grocery store to buy spices and get lost on the way, maybe?

02-22-2022, 01:05 PM - 10 Likes	#4767
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,333	....................... Attached Images

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02-16-2022, 06:08 PM - 3 Likes	#4756
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Originally posted by Parallax You had to have been around in the late 70s to get this one- Worst pick-up line ever: "Hey babe, I just put a new set of Firestone 500s on my Pinto. Want to go for a drive?"

02-16-2022, 08:12 PM - 4 Likes	#4757
clackers Otis Memorial Pentaxian Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Melbourne Photos: Albums Posts: 16,397	I gave my wife a glue stick instead of her chap stick by mistake. She's still not talking to me!

02-17-2022, 09:17 AM - 11 Likes	#4758
steamloco76 Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: Pennsylvania Photos: Gallery Posts: 2,710	A woman tries getting on a bus but realises her skirt is too tight. As the bus stopped & it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed & with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, but only to discover that she couldn't. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more & again was unable to take the step. After becoming quite frustrated & embarrassed, she once again attempted to unzip her skirt more in order to allow more legroom to get on the first step of the bus. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist & placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic & turned to the would-be Samaritan & yelled " How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are". The Texan smiled & drawled " Well ma'am, normally I'd agree with you but after you unzipped my fly 3 times I kinda figured we were friends".

02-17-2022, 11:25 AM - 3 Likes	#4759
Racer X 69 Moderator Man With A Camera Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: The Great Pacific Northwet, in the Land Between Canada and Mexico Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 28,073	Originally posted by robtcorl Flames, in reverse. I like it!

02-17-2022, 03:03 PM - 8 Likes	#4760
clackers Otis Memorial Pentaxian Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Melbourne Photos: Albums Posts: 16,397	In a psychiatrist`s waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other, "Why are you here?" The second answers, "I`m Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here." The first is curious and asks, "How do you know that you`re Napoleon?" The second responds, "God told me I was." At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, "NO I DIDN`T!"

02-18-2022, 05:50 AM - 1 Like	#4761
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,338	Don't forget - even if you are Paranoid - It doesn't mean they are not all out to get you. And beware of the eyes in the mirror - are you sure that they are your eyes ?

02-18-2022, 07:12 AM - 2 Likes	#4762
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,338	It seems that once there was a surgeon, whose work was exemplary - led his team well, ensured the less-experienced members were fully aware of procedures, asked for instruments politely, ensured all foreign objects were removed from the incision etc - in short, the man you would choose for any invasive surgery. He had, unfortunately, one minor failing - when it came to actually closing an incision, he suffered from indecision, and had to take his time to ensure he made no errors. Then a book was recommended to him, and after reading it, his confidence improved dramatically. The book was called The Calmer Suture.

02-18-2022, 12:55 PM - 1 Like	#4763
StiffLegged Site Supporter Join Date: Jan 2018 Photos: Gallery Posts: 4,634	Grrrrroannnnnnnnnnnn!

02-19-2022, 04:27 AM	#4764
Martin Stu Pentaxian Join Date: Jan 2019 Posts: 1,115	jumping training

02-19-2022, 06:59 AM	#4765
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,338	Originally posted by StiffLegged Grrrrroannnnnnnnnnnn! Titus ?

02-22-2022, 06:16 AM	#4766
Martin Stu Pentaxian Join Date: Jan 2019 Posts: 1,115	transformation

02-22-2022, 01:06 PM - 7 Likes	#4768
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,333	All national anthems are country music.

02-22-2022, 03:59 PM - 7 Likes	#4769
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	If two vegans have an argument, is it still called a beef?

02-23-2022, 03:53 PM - 3 Likes	#4770
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,333	In the U.S. "Columbus Day" is a holiday. I've always wondered what we're supposed to do as a celebration. Head to the grocery store to buy spices and get lost on the way, maybe?