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05-27-2022, 05:16 AM - 7 Likes   #4906
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I just interviewed at IKEA.


They asked me to come in and make a seat.

05-29-2022, 12:16 PM - 4 Likes   #4907
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If you're not a flat earther, are you a consphereacy theorist or a conspiracy spheorist?

Flat Earthers have nothing to fear but sphere itself.
05-29-2022, 03:54 PM - 1 Like   #4908
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05-30-2022, 07:02 AM - 8 Likes   #4909
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"Alexa, why am I so bad at relationships?"

"My name is Siri!"

05-30-2022, 08:27 AM   #4910
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Lost me there, I'm afraid
05-30-2022, 04:59 PM - 4 Likes   #4911
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06-02-2022, 03:46 PM - 10 Likes   #4912
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A class was given homework to find out something exciting and tell it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class. He picked up a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.
"It's a 'period'," he replied.
"I can see that," said the teacher, "but what is so exciting about a 'period'?"

"Darned if I know," said the boy, "but yesterday my sister was missing one, Mum fainted, Dad had a heart attack and the boy next door joined the Army!”

06-02-2022, 03:47 PM - 6 Likes   #4913
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A frog telephones a psychic and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
06-02-2022, 03:50 PM - 8 Likes   #4914
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A Scotsman is on his deathbed.
He mumbles: "Is my wife here?"
His wife replies: "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you."

The Scot goes: "Are my children here?"
"Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children.

The Scot: "Are my other relatives also here?"
And they say: "Yes, we are all here..."

The Scot gets out of bed, stumbles out of the room while saying: "Then why the hell is the light on in the kitchen?"
06-02-2022, 04:02 PM - 5 Likes   #4915
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What do you call a fly with no wings ?






A Walk
06-05-2022, 02:58 AM - 4 Likes   #4916
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Photography relevant XKCD:

06-13-2022, 09:42 AM - 2 Likes   #4917
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Aliens don't want to meet us. They've looked at the reviews…

... only 1 star!
06-13-2022, 05:04 PM - 5 Likes   #4918
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"I once dated a girl with a wooden leg, but then I broke it off."
06-14-2022, 08:49 AM - 4 Likes   #4919
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QuoteOriginally posted by clackers Quote
"I once dated a girl with a wooden leg, but then I broke it off."
Was her name :Peg:?
06-14-2022, 09:48 AM - 3 Likes   #4920
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If we’re all comfortable with disability jokes I’ll tell you about the time I dated a girl who’d lost an arm.She had me hooked from the start.

Why (other than piracy) was Long John Silver sent away?

He was an arrrrrsonist!
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