[Martin Stu]

A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store. They gave me another one, free of charge.

[Parallax]

......................

[35mmfilmfan]

What does a ball do when it stops rolling ?







It looks round



.

[disconnekt]

What do you call a poop done on halloween? A spookie dookie

What do you call a cookie baked on halloween? A spookie cookie

[arnold]

Kids English

Define the word "monotony."

Monotony is being married to the same person all your life.

Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand

its meaning.

Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

What does the word "benign" mean?

Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

What is the correct use of a semi-colon?

Only to be used as a last resort, a semi-colon is a partial

removal of the intestines.

Technology

What is a turbine?

Something an Arab wears on his head.

History

What is Britain's highest award for valour in war?

Nelson's column.

R. I.

Who did not welcome the return of the prodigal son?

The fatted calf.

What is a Hindu?

It lays eggs.

Name some famous pilgrimages.

Muslims used to go to Gamages but now it's closed. Christians

still go on pilgrimage to Lord's.

---------- Post added 01-10-22 at 14:14 ----------

Geography

Name the four seasons.

Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

What is the equator?

A menagerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.

Name a greenhouse gas. What could be done to decrease global

warming?

Cows make large amounts of methane when they fart. This could be

reduced by fitting them with catalytic converters.

Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to

drink.

Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large

pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

How is dew formed?

The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

What is a planet?

A body of earth surrounded by sky.

What causes the tides in the oceans?

The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water

tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon,

and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

What is a fossil?

A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

[35mmfilmfan]

Does 'Paradox' mean veterinary surgeons who treat cage birds ?

[clackers]

"The Patron Saint of copying people into emails... St. Francis of a CC."

[35mmfilmfan]

"The Patron Saint of copying people into emails... St. Francis of a CC."

I do hope there are no religious overtones in this post - as we all know, these are strictly verboten.

[MarkJerling]

I think it's OK, joke thread and all.

[Martin Stu]

HR: "This is your revised salary. We recommend you keep it confidential."
Employee: "Don't worry, I'm equally ashamed of it."

[richard0170]

Higgs Boson strolls into St.Peter's.

"What the heck are you doing here!?" the Pope demands angrily, "You're an atheist."

"Wellll...." replied Higgs Boson, "Without me you can't be having Mass."

[Martin Stu]

Reporter: What made you go out on that dangerous pond ice and risk your life to save a friend?
Boy: I had to do it. He had my skates on.

[arnold]

A husband and wife are travelling by car from Key West to Boston. After

almost 24 hrs on the road, they are too tired to continue and decide to stop for

a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep

for four hours then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the

desk clerk hands them over a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know

why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk that although it's a nice hotel,

the rooms certainly weren't worth the $350 rate.

When the clerk tells him $350 is the

standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager. The manager listens to the man

and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized swimming pool - and a huge

conference center that were available for the couple to use. He also explains they

could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel was famous for. "The best

entertainers from New York - Hollywood and Las Vegas come here to perform," explains the

manager.

No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies " But we didn't use it!"

To which the manger replied, "It was there and you could have!" The

manager is unmoved and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes out

a check and hands it over.

The manager is surprised when he looks at the check.

"But Sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100!"

"That's right," said the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my

wife." "But I didn't!" exclaims the manager.

"Well," the man replied "She was here, and you could have!"

[WPRESTO]

Another set of T-shirt remarks from a recent catalog that arrived unrequested. A few slightly reworded.

I'm not lazy. I'm energy efficient.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is the best defense.

Instant gratification is all I have time for.

I want to be independent, but no one will help me.

Keep Thinking Legal.

A good pun is its own reword.

Is it coincidence that LISTEN and SILENT use the same letters?

My PIN is the last four digits in the value of Pi. (and my passwords are protected by dementia.)

Singled-celled organisms multiply by dividing.

Stay inside, keep your distance, clean yourself, get plenty of rest. BE the housecat.

[clackers]