Joke Thread!

daacon · 08-29-2008, 07:21 PM

Here's one from our number 3 poster all time I loved it

https://www.pentaxforums.com/forums/general-talk/16193-joke-i-have-share.html

Mike Cash · 08-29-2008, 09:20 PM

A lady goes to the optician to have her eyes examined. The doctor has her stand and look at the eye chart on the wall across the room. He points at a the third line from the top.

"Can you see that?"
"Nope."

He then points at the second line. "Can you see that?"
"No, can't see that either."

He points at the humongous E on the top line.
"Sorry, doc. Can't see that one either."

He unzips his pants and pulls his pecker out.

"Can you see this?"

"Oh, yeah. I can see that just fine."

"Well, there's your problem....you're cock-eyed."

code4code5 · 08-29-2008, 11:50 PM

This wouldn't be as funny if it weren't true. A woman is driving northbound on the Interstate through New Mexico, driving a little too quickly for the trooper sitting on the side of the road. When the woman see the trooper pull on to the roadway, she knows she's had. Sure enough, the trooper turns on the lights and pulls her over. As the trooper is approaching the car, the woman thinks to herself, "Well, I can talk my way out of this. Cops are funny people."

Before the Trooper can say anything, the woman rolls down the window and says, "Let me guess, Officer. You want me to buy a ticket to the Policeman's Ball, right?"

The Trooper replies, "I'm sorry, ma'am. New Mexico State Patrolmen don't have balls."

The Trooper and the woman stare at each other silently for several seconds before he turns around, walks to his car, and drives away. Quickly.

Tom S. · 08-30-2008, 06:13 AM

One of my favorites:

A man is out driving his Corvette one day and notices a police officer approaching. Looking at his speedometer, he notes he is doing 15 miles per hour over the speed limit. Thinking to himself "I can out run him", he hits the gas and quickly accelerates away. However common sense prevails and he slows down and pulls over.

The police officer strolls up to the car and asks the man, "You were going to try and flee, then changed your mind. Why?"

The man, thinking quickly says: "Well officer, my wife just ran away with a police officer."

The officer responds, "What does that have to do with it?"

The man replies: "I though you were bringing her back!"

The cop let him go.

Spex · 08-30-2008, 06:44 AM

Here's one joke from Croatia. First, an explanation: in Croatia grades in school are 1,2,3,4,5, with 1 being worst and 5 being best. Afaik, in US A is best?
Anyway, teacher in school is testing kids on math. And he asks one "Tell me, how much is 2+2?"
Kid: "It's 4"
Teacher: "Sit, 5"
Kid: "Shit, I knew it!"

An also one about wives:
Robber has just robbed a bank, and on exit he asks a man: "Have you seen me?"
-"Yes, I have" - and he kills him.
He asks another "Have you seen me?"
-"No I haven't, but my wife has!"

jsherman999 · 08-30-2008, 07:59 AM

Inspired by the genius-level think tank that is Yahoo Answers:

How is Babby Formed?

For whatever reason, that makes me crack up uncontrollably....

.

séamuis · 08-30-2008, 08:13 AM

as an open atheist I like to hear and share some satire with a friend of mine who is a baptist preacher. im sure some have heard this one but he sent this to me in an email a couple of days ago.

An engineer dies and goes to heaven. However, when St. Peter meets him at the gate he says, "Wait a second! You're in the wrong place! Beat it!"
So, the engineers goes down to Hell, and gets settled in. He soon becomes dissatisfied with conditions there, and begins to make improvements. Before long, there's running water, flush toilets, escalators, and even air conditioning! The engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What! You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there. Send him up right away!"
Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue!"
"Oh, yeah?" the Devil replies. "Where are you going to get a lawyer?!"

vdubbin099 · 08-30-2008, 09:41 AM

What do you get when you mix a brown chicken and a brown cow
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
BrownchickaBrowncow

dave sz · 08-30-2008, 03:09 PM

Originally posted by Damn Brit

Good timing Serge, here's a video someone sent me.
YouTube - Capoeira Fighter Isn't So Tough
Good joke to start the thread BTW

that clip is from a recent movie, "Never Back down". Came out on dvd within the last couple months. So, the clip is just actors, acting...

Kei · 08-30-2008, 04:08 PM

Originally posted by séamuis

as an open atheist I like to hear and share some satire with a friend of mine who is a baptist preacher. im sure some have heard this one but he sent this to me in an email a couple of days ago.

An engineer dies and goes to heaven. However, when St. Peter meets him at the gate he says, "Wait a second! You're in the wrong place! Beat it!"
So, the engineers goes down to Hell, and gets settled in. He soon becomes dissatisfied with conditions there, and begins to make improvements. Before long, there's running water, flush toilets, escalators, and even air conditioning! The engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What! You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there. Send him up right away!"
Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue!"
"Oh, yeah?" the Devil replies. "Where are you going to get a lawyer?!"

ROFL, I just love jokes about lawyers somehow

Bramela · 08-30-2008, 05:22 PM

One I heard recently

An elderly farmer owned a property with a dam at the bottom the the paddock.
Every evening he would walk down to the dam with a bucket of bread to feed the ducks.

One eveneing as he walked over the rise to the dam, bucket in hand, he heard giggling. When he arrived found three young, and beautiful ladies skinny dipping in the dam. they got a fright when they saw him.

"We are not coming out till you leave" they cried.

"Oh, dont worry about me" said the farmer

I just came down to feed the crocodile!"

reeftool · 08-30-2008, 06:40 PM

If women with big breasts work at Hooters, where do women with one leg work?
.
.
IHOP

I can hear the groans, sorry.

lithos · 08-30-2008, 10:15 PM

Three blondes walked into a bar.

You'd think one of them would've seen it.

Gooshin · 08-31-2008, 01:23 AM

so a baby seal walks into a club right....

lithos · 08-31-2008, 04:10 AM

HAH!

A baby seal walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "What'll you have?"

And the baby seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club on the rocks."

08-30-2008, 06:44 AM	#20
Spex Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Dubrovnik, Croatia Posts: 216	Here's one joke from Croatia. First, an explanation: in Croatia grades in school are 1,2,3,4,5, with 1 being worst and 5 being best. Afaik, in US A is best? Anyway, teacher in school is testing kids on math. And he asks one "Tell me, how much is 2+2?" Kid: "It's 4" Teacher: "Sit, 5" Kid: "Shit, I knew it!" An also one about wives: Robber has just robbed a bank, and on exit he asks a man: "Have you seen me?" -"Yes, I have" - and he kills him. He asks another "Have you seen me?" -"No I haven't, but my wife has!" Last edited by Spex; 08-30-2008 at 06:51 AM.

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08-29-2008, 07:21 PM	#16
daacon Veteran Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Alberta,Canada Photos: Gallery Posts: 20,914	Here's one from our number 3 poster all time I loved it https://www.pentaxforums.com/forums/general-talk/16193-joke-i-have-share.html

08-29-2008, 09:20 PM	#17
Mike Cash Veteran Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Japan Photos: Gallery Posts: 6,950	A lady goes to the optician to have her eyes examined. The doctor has her stand and look at the eye chart on the wall across the room. He points at a the third line from the top. "Can you see that?" "Nope." He then points at the second line. "Can you see that?" "No, can't see that either." He points at the humongous E on the top line. "Sorry, doc. Can't see that one either." He unzips his pants and pulls his pecker out. "Can you see this?" "Oh, yeah. I can see that just fine." "Well, there's your problem....you're cock-eyed."

08-29-2008, 11:50 PM	#18
code4code5 Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Denver, CO Photos: Gallery Posts: 438	This wouldn't be as funny if it weren't true. A woman is driving northbound on the Interstate through New Mexico, driving a little too quickly for the trooper sitting on the side of the road. When the woman see the trooper pull on to the roadway, she knows she's had. Sure enough, the trooper turns on the lights and pulls her over. As the trooper is approaching the car, the woman thinks to herself, "Well, I can talk my way out of this. Cops are funny people." Before the Trooper can say anything, the woman rolls down the window and says, "Let me guess, Officer. You want me to buy a ticket to the Policeman's Ball, right?" The Trooper replies, "I'm sorry, ma'am. New Mexico State Patrolmen don't have balls." The Trooper and the woman stare at each other silently for several seconds before he turns around, walks to his car, and drives away. Quickly.

08-30-2008, 06:13 AM	#19
Tom S. Veteran Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: S.E. Michigan Photos: Albums Posts: 4,317	One of my favorites: A man is out driving his Corvette one day and notices a police officer approaching. Looking at his speedometer, he notes he is doing 15 miles per hour over the speed limit. Thinking to himself "I can out run him", he hits the gas and quickly accelerates away. However common sense prevails and he slows down and pulls over. The police officer strolls up to the car and asks the man, "You were going to try and flee, then changed your mind. Why?" The man, thinking quickly says: "Well officer, my wife just ran away with a police officer." The officer responds, "What does that have to do with it?" The man replies: "I though you were bringing her back!" The cop let him go.

08-30-2008, 07:59 AM	#21
jsherman999 Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Photos: Gallery Posts: 8,237	Inspired by the genius-level think tank that is Yahoo Answers: How is Babby Formed? For whatever reason, that makes me crack up uncontrollably.... .

08-30-2008, 08:13 AM	#22
séamuis Banned Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Savannah, U.S./Baguio City, P.H. Posts: 5,979	as an open atheist I like to hear and share some satire with a friend of mine who is a baptist preacher. im sure some have heard this one but he sent this to me in an email a couple of days ago. An engineer dies and goes to heaven. However, when St. Peter meets him at the gate he says, "Wait a second! You're in the wrong place! Beat it!" So, the engineers goes down to Hell, and gets settled in. He soon becomes dissatisfied with conditions there, and begins to make improvements. Before long, there's running water, flush toilets, escalators, and even air conditioning! The engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What! You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there. Send him up right away!" Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue!" "Oh, yeah?" the Devil replies. "Where are you going to get a lawyer?!"

08-30-2008, 09:41 AM	#23
vdubbin099 Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 152	What do you get when you mix a brown chicken and a brown cow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . BrownchickaBrowncow

08-30-2008, 03:09 PM	#24
dave sz Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: carpentersville, IL Posts: 693	Originally posted by Damn Brit Good timing Serge, here's a video someone sent me. YouTube - Capoeira Fighter Isn't So Tough Good joke to start the thread BTW that clip is from a recent movie, "Never Back down". Came out on dvd within the last couple months. So, the clip is just actors, acting...

08-30-2008, 04:08 PM	#25
Kei Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Toronto, Canada Photos: Gallery Posts: 207	Originally posted by séamuis as an open atheist I like to hear and share some satire with a friend of mine who is a baptist preacher. im sure some have heard this one but he sent this to me in an email a couple of days ago. An engineer dies and goes to heaven. However, when St. Peter meets him at the gate he says, "Wait a second! You're in the wrong place! Beat it!" So, the engineers goes down to Hell, and gets settled in. He soon becomes dissatisfied with conditions there, and begins to make improvements. Before long, there's running water, flush toilets, escalators, and even air conditioning! The engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What! You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there. Send him up right away!" Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue!" "Oh, yeah?" the Devil replies. "Where are you going to get a lawyer?!" ROFL, I just love jokes about lawyers somehow

08-30-2008, 05:22 PM	#26
Bramela Veteran Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Newcastle Australia Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 5,284	One I heard recently An elderly farmer owned a property with a dam at the bottom the the paddock. Every evening he would walk down to the dam with a bucket of bread to feed the ducks. One eveneing as he walked over the rise to the dam, bucket in hand, he heard giggling. When he arrived found three young, and beautiful ladies skinny dipping in the dam. they got a fright when they saw him. "We are not coming out till you leave" they cried. "Oh, dont worry about me" said the farmer I just came down to feed the crocodile!"

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08-30-2008, 06:40 PM	#27
reeftool Pentaxian Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Upstate New York Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 9,552	If women with big breasts work at Hooters, where do women with one leg work? . . IHOP I can hear the groans, sorry.

08-30-2008, 10:15 PM	#28
lithos Inactive Account Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Brisbane, QLD, AUS Posts: 3,261	Three blondes walked into a bar. You'd think one of them would've seen it.

08-31-2008, 01:23 AM	#29
Gooshin Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Toronto, the one in Canada. Posts: 5,610 Original Poster	so a baby seal walks into a club right....

08-31-2008, 04:10 AM	#30
lithos Inactive Account Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Brisbane, QLD, AUS Posts: 3,261	HAH! A baby seal walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "What'll you have?" And the baby seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club on the rocks."