[Taff]

To all my Pentax friends out there,

Just a ear to bash, a shoulder to cry on,
After 7+ years and two young children with my partner, she has decided that she no longer wants to continue with our relationship. I admit we have had problems of late which i have to continued trying to solve by changing things about myself to make her happy. Went to counseling (one bloody session) now she doesn't like that. Cut of contact with many friends she didn't like (she has few friends) and for what? What good was it all?
Have been told to move out as soon as I can, leave my Boys and find a place of my own.
Thankfully I have found a very very good job in the communications Industry here in Perth (something I have been looking for, for 3 months) and will be able to afford a House of my own.
I ask if it's ironic that when women (or men) when in tough times in a relationship they always ask single poeple for advice on partnerships,
I wonder wether my new found cynicism, misogynist views and hurt will find their way into my photography, I certainly hope not.

Thanks for listening

Taff

[ve2vfd]

Wow, sorry to hear things turned out that way for you...

One of the guys at the station just went thru something similar a few weeks ago and is finally starting to get back on his feet... his ex really crushed him and we had to push him real hard to make sure he put up a fight to stop her from walking all over him and taking his house, kid and everything he worked for.

I'm just hoping that in the long run things will work out for you.

Pat

[rzarbo]

Taff,

I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. I know it sounds cliche but on the other side of this you will be a stronger and wiser person.

And it would not be a bad thing at all to allow your photography to be an outlet for what you are going through. Most of the great artists of the world created out of personal anguish.

Keep your chin up (now that really IS cliche) and be there for your boys.

Robin

[garth1948]

Sorry to hear that mate.
Makes my retrenchment seem unimportant.
Hope things work out in the end.
Cheers,

[J.Scott]

I wish you all the best in your new life.

I hope you find the support you need.

[netuser]

Hi Taff, sad news from you.

I know that you know what I'm writting next, but even so..., I just wanted to say that in the middle of all the "cynicism and hurting" please keep what is important where it bellongs, on the first place and always protected. I mean, your boys. Keep your focus on them.

Stay well

[khardur]

That's such a heartbreaker, especially when you've got kids involved. Taff I hope this turns into a new opportunity for you - make new friends, develop new relationships - pour yourself into your photography...

Take care of yourself first, and we wish you the best of luck going forward.
-Dan

[tybeck]

It's never a happy occasion when this sort of thing happens, especially when kids are involved. I'll second other posters in saying that you need to make sure your boys are okay. Children need both of their parents and yours will need a good male role model so they can grow into good men. If you have to push your own pain aside to make sure you have access to them and can have a influence over their lives, do it. Set those ground rules first.

If you have any issues getting access you might look into how common law marriages are handled in you jurisdiction. Here in the US if a couple is together for a longer period of time (say > 5-7 years) and have been financially dependent on each other (shared accounts, credit cards, property etc) and/or have children together they are essentially considered to be married. So, if you are denied access to your children there may be another path of coercion. Hate to bring this up, but I've had friends with ex-SOs that have blocked access to their children and legal action was the only resort. One friend was married for 10 years and the other had lived with the woman for 3 years and they shared a home.

From your post:

I admit we have had problems of late which i have to continued trying to solve by changing things about myself to make her happy. Went to counseling (one bloody session) now she doesn't like that. Cut of contact with many friends she didn't like (she has few friends) and for what? What good was it all?

What you said here is a huge red flag. In an ideal relationship you should not have to change yourself for the other person. Your companions should add to you, not subtract. Compromise is a necessary thing in relationships as long as it's mutual, but changing into someone you might not want to be is another. If you find yourself needing someone else you might want to take a look inside and see what you can do to be comfortable alone. I think being secure in yourself makes it easier to see what you desire (or can't tolerate) in another person.

Just some thoughts. Take the time you need to get past the breakup period. When you're ready, and if you want to, jump back in.

[stevebrot]

I am so sorry to read about your troubles. My heart and prayers go out to the both of you and to your children. I doubt that many people enter into a partnership with the intent of letting it go and it is truly a tragedy when things fall apart.

Steve

(Got my share of problems in this area too...)

[RoxnDox]

well, crap... That just plain sucks. Hang in there and we'll send good thoughts your way.

Jim

[pasipasi]

Sad to hear these things happen. My (now ex) girlfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago and I've been feeling down ever since. I find it hard to get a good night sleep, I don't feel hunger when I should eat (or fullness when I've eaten), work suffers and I don't feel like taking any photos. Hopefully things will brighten up eventually.

I wish you luck!

[Gooshin]

Have been told to move out as soon as I can, leave my Boys and find a place of my own.
Taff

you're just gonna bend like that? sheesh

unless you guys are renting, then thats okay.

as for the kids... thats a situation you can only solve for yourself.

Sorry to hear that Taff. Only piece of advice I can give is; Get a lawyer. You need to make sure you have rights concerning your children. You need to be a part of their life. Don't let her walk all over you.

That's all the advice I have.

[iced]

Taff, sorry to read about your problems especially when it involves your two boys. I wish there was something I could say or do to make your situation better and the pain easier. The main thing is to focus on the boys and make sure they aren't traumatized through all this, they should come first. I have some pretty broad shoulders and if there is anything I can do for you just leave me a PM. Taff just remember I love you and my Lord and Savor Jesus Christ Loves you. You will be remembered in my prayers.

[Sailor]

Sorry to hear about what you're dealing with, Taff. I wish you the very best, my friend.

Jer