Inactive Account Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Brisbane, QLD, AUS |
Starbucks is dying in the arse down here, and rightly so. Misinterpretation of the local hot beverage culture.
See, we don't drink that much coffee. Ask for coffee at some Aussie's house, and you'll probably get instant (unless you're dealing with yuppies.)
Drip filter, which is all Starbucks is okay at, hasn't been regularly drunk here since, well, since forever. Percolator's were common.
However, after WWII, there was an influx of Italian immigrants, to strangle the Snowy River and whatknot, and with them came espresso. So too came the Greeks, and the Turks, but Greek/Turkish/Arabic/Persian-style coffee never really took off.
Espresso's what we drink when we go to a café. It's better than drip filter for hospitality situations, too, because because portion control's easy, and it's brewed fresh each time (for consistency.) Plus is looks fancy, and it's perfect for all those pansies who can't handle real coffee.
Put it simply: I'd rather decent drip over decent espresso. But it's evens if they're both excellent.
There're a ton of good espresso roasters down here - Merlo, Di Bellas, Grinders is ok, but after that, we get kinda lost.
Give me Merlo in the morning, Di Bellas at night.
Wait, where was I going with this?
Oh, yeah, we're not big on coffee. True coffee. Real coffee.
We are big on novelty drinks, though, being the bunch of sad, postmodernist what's-the-difference-between-an-Aussie-and-a-tub-of-yoghurt, cultureless b*stards. Oh, yes, that whipped cream frozen drink has zero fat. But you know what? You're body does a good job of converting - an excellent job, really - all that sugar into fat.
Which is why they say a frappe thingummy is more fattening than a Big Mac.
Once, when my dad worked in Sydney, he told me a story about why he hates Guinness (bear with me, here.)
When the first wave of Guinness popularity took off, roundabout the mid-nineties, Dad'd be in the bar, alone, waiting to order a schooner of Tooheys. Toohey's takes about 20 seconds to pour, like most normal beers, depending taps, skill, etc.
But, oftentimes, he'd get stuck behind a mob of yuppies (being Sydney, after all) all ordering pints of Guinness.
A pint of Guinness, done right, takes 115 seconds to pour.
So dad'd be stuck there for five minutes or longer, just to order a beer. He'd have exact change, because that's the kinda guy he is.
Now, I don't drink beer much, but with me and coffee, there's a scary parallel.
Yes, I used to drink Starbucks, because I like drip and it's hard to find down here. Their espresso is an affront unto Kaldi, but still better than Gloria Jeans (bunch of money-grubbing plenary-indulging Bible-bashing megachurch con artists.)
So, I'd be waiting in line at Starbucks, $2.40 in hand to get me a Venti coffee of the day, normally with some androgynous, effete emos in front of me.
Then I here their order. One double-decaf iced coffee frappe, hazelnut syrup, soy milk, cream, sprinkles, acai berry, the pubic hair of an albino yeti, or whatever, something that takes two minutes to order, and about six months to make.
So, when I eventually get to order my drip, everyone's tied up making up the emo kid's magic potion, scrambling to find the eye of newt and wing of bat - no, the lite wing of bat, not the regular fattening stuff. And the hazelnut-flavoured eye of newt, please, not the caramel.
Shites me to tears. There's been many a time I've considered just knocking to two emos heads together, and ordering first.
And then when I get to order, they never have any drip filter coffee on .
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