[mel]

And sometimes the parents can do all they can to foster a good relationship with a child and the child is just NOT going to talk. People are individuals. Even with my identical twins, one is usually willing to tell me what's bothering him while the other is not.

My boys know I'm there. Sometimes it's the best you can do. I'm so sorry for your friend's loss. I can't even imagine how to go on after something like that.

[Ash]

Bad things can happen to anyone - it's how each person deals with it that matters.
Signs that tell you someone's not coping well with their troubles can be a warning to act upon. That's why communication is important, whether coming from a 'good' family or not.

you can have the best relationship with your parents and still feel really down

sometimes ones life is their own.

There's feeling down and then there's suicidal.

If talking with a parent won't help that should clue the parent in to get professional help. My buddy tried to Baker Act her. But he never thought she would do this. If he did he would have gotten help. That's the thing if the kid won't talk you may need help. And that's the other side. You need to listen. To their voice. To what they say, what they don't say. What the body language says. What their action, or inaction tells you. You need to know your child.

Mel, in his own words: "You just keep putting one foot in front of the other and go on. That's all you can do. What else can I do?"

[Gooshin]

know your child?

you think everyone is a mind reader, few people understand themselves, and you want them to dig deep into the minds of others?

my uncle offed himself when i was young, he came to visit my dad and my mom (his sister) the day before, had a long chat. Next morning my grandma finds him hanging in his bedroom, no note no nothing, and the entire evening they hadnt the slightest clue.

no one saw it coming.

you put to much responsibility on family members, they either do their best or they dont, but if they do their best, you cant lay blame on them, you cant tell them "to listen", because they listen all their lives, they are not psychiatrists, they are not professionals.

My dad calls me like three times a week, asks me how im doing. I tell him i'm doing fine, that i broke up with a girl but i'll get over it, and that i'm coming over to visit on the weekend. So he hangs up the phone. How can you possibly expect him to "read the intonation in my voice". So i dont come on the weekend because something in my life got the better of me, and you're going to blame my dad?

not fair man, not fair at all

[Jodokast96]

Happened to one of the owner's of the company I work for. Well off family, girl gets pregnant and has an abortion (never telling anyone), has problems coping, and hangs herself the week her brother was supposed to get married. Nobody ever knew there was something wrong, and it's not always so easy to tell. Should they have? Who knows, but some people hide things well.

[Ash]

know your child?

you think everyone is a mind reader, few people understand themselves, and you want them to dig deep into the minds of others?

my uncle offed himself when i was young, he came to visit my dad and my mom (his sister) the day before, had a long chat. Next morning my grandma finds him hanging in his bedroom, no note no nothing, and the entire evening they hadnt the slightest clue.

no one saw it coming.

you put to much responsibility on family members, they either do their best or they dont, but if they do their best, you cant lay blame on them, you cant tell them "to listen", because they listen all their lives, they are not psychiatrists, they are not professionals.

My dad calls me like three times a week, asks me how im doing. I tell him i'm doing fine, that i broke up with a girl but i'll get over it, and that i'm coming over to visit on the weekend. So he hangs up the phone. How can you possibly expect him to "read the intonation in my voice". So i dont come on the weekend because something in my life got the better of me, and you're going to blame my dad?

not fair man, not fair at all

It's not about attributing blame. It's about keeping communication lines open, and giving the child/friend an avenue to approach you freely about any of their concerns. This goes a long way to diffuse the defeatism, helplessness and hopelessness that can seem to spiral some people downwards who don't have people in their lives to talk earnestly to.

I've said it before, not all cases of suicide are preventable, but most are. Don't underestimate the potential you have to change someone's life...

[Gooshin]

It's not about attributing blame. It's about keeping communication lines open, and giving the child/friend an avenue to approach you freely about any of their concerns. This goes a long way to diffuse the defeatism, helplessness and hopelessness that can seem to spiral some people downwards who don't have people in their lives to talk earnestly to.

I've said it before, not all cases of suicide are preventable, but most are. Don't underestimate the potential you have to change someone's life...

well if they are open (and it seems they were open), then thats the best one could do

save ofcourse going and getting themselves some education in psychiatrics and what not

It's not about attributing blame. It's about keeping communication lines open, and giving the child/friend an avenue to approach you freely about any of their concerns. This goes a long way to diffuse the defeatism, helplessness and hopelessness that can seem to spiral some people downwards who don't have people in their lives to talk earnestly to.

I've said it before, not all cases of suicide are preventable, but most are. Don't underestimate the potential you have to change someone's life...

Ash, you get it. My neighbor did everything he could think of. It sure wasn't his fault and he had no idea. It was a plea to open lines of communication with your/our kids.

[little laker]

This is just another viewpoint to consider.
Not everyone whom kills themselves wants to end their life. They're just looking for a way out of a situation, that would drive most people to the brink of insanity. I almost know first hand.

Several years ago, while suffering sever neck pain because of an accident I wasn't able to think straight. Like everyone else living in a similar situation I was looking for anything to take the pain away. Prescription Pain killers didn't help then.
I somehow got the idea that hanging myself would take the pain away. I wasn't thinking of ending my life I just wanted to get rid of the pain, and in my confused state of mind thought that hanging myself was the only thing that would work.
Thankfully a friend of mine popped in unexpectedly taking my mind off of everything.
It was a few days later that I realized what had gone through my mind, and what may have happened.


I've also seen a loved one going through the same thing. My Ex- (common law) Wife.
In her case she was tormented since she was around 5, after witnessing her best friends death in a playground
Add her brothers death some 10 years later, plus a few other shocks and it's amazing that she had a semi normal life.
I did my best to comfort her, and help her out. However she often left the bottle control her. When that happened she didn't have the faintest idea she was dong something reckless, which could have easily killed one or both of us.
To this day, 4 years after our breakup I feel that she was only using the booze to control her pain.

I also know that several druggies or alcoholics started out just using their substance to control their pain.
I'm one of the lucky ones. Knowing that I'll be in pain the rest of my life, my friends, family, and doctors are all closely watching my intake of pain killers ensuring that I don't join that group.

[Ash]

I admire your openness Stu.
It's tough to go through multiple tragedies and no one can relate exactly to how you feel.
But it's good you recognise that you need people around you, and you're getting that support.
That's great to hear.
Thanks for sharing that with us.