Shit, since we're on it. Hi! I'm lithos. I need a fifteen-thousand word essay, fully research, on ontological empiricism. It's due tomorrow, I've had eight months to do it, and it's due tomorrow.
It's for my Phd thesis, and while there's no absolutely no obligation or reward in it for you, I really hope you can help.
Second, sweeten these ingenuous idio- er, nice people up. It's just that you guys all seem so smart, and nice, and I just knew I'd get some great help from you. You guys know what you're on about. I know if there's anywhere I can go on the internet to knock off a fifteen-thousand word essay, it's here.
Now that you've thoroughly brown-nosed, you can start with the petulant demands. It's like these bastards owe you this! Oh, by the way, full Harvard referencing. You'll need at least one hundred separate sources, verifiable sources. No, wikipedia doesn't count; in fact, NO internet sources, full stop. I need the spelling to be in Australian English - that means "colour" not "color," "centre" not "center," and metric units, not US. I'm not going check through all fifteen thousand words, so don't screw up. It's to be double-spaced and in standard Times New Roman font, 12 points for main text. 24 for subheadings, 36 for the main heading. If you're not sure about spelling or grammar, BUY A DICTIONARY. Don't just wing it. None of you suckers are doing a Phd thesis on ontological empiricism, so none of you are smart enough to know grammar and spelling inside out.
All in all, you should feel extraordinarily grateful I lowered myself to allow you do this Herculean, task in my name with nothing to gain and a lot to lose on your part, and I am grudgingly allowing you the privilege of letting me slap my name on your hard work and passing it off on my own.
Remember, I need it by 8:30AM Eastern Australian DST. I'm going down the pub tonight to catch this local band, but I'll be checking up on you when I get back around 11:30. I expect a full progress report.
Thanks,
Lithos. |