why I won't buy a k3 (Warning: Satire Thread)

dansamy · 12-21-2015, 12:54 PM

Originally posted by Jean Poitiers

Skip the Velveeta ... thank ME later !

You can use a soft, easily meltable cheese instead of Velveeta if you prefer.

Jean Poitiers · 12-21-2015, 01:00 PM - **3 Likes**

Originally posted by dansamy

You can use a soft, easily ~~meltable~~ edible cheese instead of Velveeta if you prefer.

There. Fixed that for you.

No charge, this time.

**THoog** · 12-21-2015, 01:02 PM - **1 Like**

Toss the whole mess and make a batch of bacon-wrapped "little smokies" sausages with a sprinkling of brown sugar on each one. Don't bother thanking me, 'cause I'll be passed out on the kitchen floor.

dansamy · 12-21-2015, 01:05 PM

Originally posted by Jean Poitiers

There. Fixed that for you.

No charge, this time.

It still has to be something that will melt! The whole point is to eat it with chips.

Jean Poitiers · 12-21-2015, 01:10 PM

Originally posted by THoog

Toss the whole mess and make a batch of bacon-wrapped "little smokies" sausages with a sprinkling of brown sugar on each one. Don't bother thanking me, 'cause I'll be passed out on the kitchen floor.

Ditto ! *

* ( Blazing Saddles )

Joel B · 12-21-2015, 01:23 PM

You use Mexican Velveeta and Rotel tomatoes. Makes the best nachos!! No ground beef!

All you get then is Hamburger helper!

Christmas eve we're gonna have chili, bacon wrapped monster scallops, ham wrapped pickles, lots of real cheese sliced, fake cheese aka mexican velveeta, cookies, pies, meatballs, little smokies and a variety drinkable items! Yes, we are planning on passing out!

Christmas day starts with homemade sticky rolls!

Dinner will be informal with the main course being French dip sandwiches from meat cooked all day!(special recipe)
Yeah I'm stoked!!

dansamy · 12-21-2015, 01:30 PM

Don't you have to have pasta, rice or potatoes to be hamburger helper?

Joel B · 12-21-2015, 01:41 PM

Originally posted by dansamy

Don't you have to have pasta, rice or potatoes to be hamburger helper?

I can't remember! I think I have blocked out the traumatic events of my childhood, like repeatedly being fed food like hamburger helper

, Shake n Bake

Manwich

, or pretty much anything incinerated on a grill!(pops wanted to make sure it was dead)

MarkJerling · 12-21-2015, 02:40 PM

The problems of living in a small Pacific country are more apparent at Christmas time. Not only do we not have squirrels, Velveeta, or proper hot dogs (unless I make them myself - the hot dogs, that is, not the squirrels) but turkey (my favourite Christmas roast) is bloody expensive. In a move that is, supposedly about protecting our food industry from nasty diseases, we cannot buy USA turkeys, only locally grown ones. And, there's only three turkey farms in the whole country, so turkey costs $71 for a 6.5lbs turkey, with prices going up from there to around $140 for a 20lbs bird. That is sheer extortion. So, it's either a rip-off turkey, or a glazed ham, or I need to go out one night and shoot a wild turkey, and I've probably left it too late. Plus, the family will pull up their collective noses for wild turkey. So glazed ham it is. In the Weber.

At least we can buy Webers here. Thanks for small mercies.

FantasticMrFox · 12-21-2015, 03:02 PM

Here's what Shackleton and his man had for Christmas dinner on the Endurance in 1914:

Anchovies in Oil, Jugged Hare, Turtle Soup, Whitebait, Mince Pies, Christmas Pudding, Figs, Dates & Crystallised Fruit, Tea and Biscuits, Rum and Stout

For 2015 my grandparents are coming over from Bonn, and we're having smoked pork chop, sausages, green cabbage and potatoes, for dessert there will be cinnamon parfait with pears. Then my father, grandfather and I will sit down and have Lagavulin 16 yo. On Christmas eve, that is, because that's when Germans celebrate and exchange gifts. On Christmas day we're having Raclette, and on Boxing day there'll be a massive salmon slowly baked for hours under a thick crust of salt.

FantasticMrFox · 12-21-2015, 03:14 PM

Oh, and I think for a thread full of people obsessed with food and food-like substances (Velveeta, surströmming etc.) it is absolutely mandatory we all get out our K-Non-3s and take pictures of our Christmas meals, then share them here for a nice collection of what people eat on the holidays around the globe!

Joel B · 12-21-2015, 03:15 PM

Originally posted by MarkJerling

That is sheer extortion

Here we use them as bait. Buy a ham and get a free turkey! Next year they wont be so cheap. We had a lot of operations wiped out by bird flu! The really REALLY stupid part is the inspectors spread it from one flock to the next! They of all people should have been following decon rules!!

dansamy · 12-21-2015, 03:16 PM

Originally posted by Joel B

I can't remember! I think I have blocked out the traumatic events of my childhood, like repeatedly being fed food like hamburger helper

, Shake n Bake

Manwich

, or pretty much anything incinerated on a grill!(pops wanted to make sure it was dead)

I'm trying to keep teenage boys from devouring everything in sight. There's a lot of pasta in my pantry. Pasta with butter & Parmesan. Or ketchup. Or Alfredo sauce. Or tomato based sauce. Etc.

Rupert · 12-21-2015, 03:23 PM

Originally posted by dansamy

Add a pound of ground beef or ground sausage. Thank me later.

Sausage is the best choice, and you are right, it makes it even more delicious. Melted Velveeta, Rotel, and ground sausage...I have NEVER seen anyone that did not want to gorge on that dip! Even haters learn to love when it is served.

Originally posted by Rupert

Hey guys, pick up the pace! I have over 10K squirrels willing to post here and if you don't pick it up, I'm gonna turn them loose!

The pace really picked up some steam after that post! Scared the hell out of you guys, didn't it!

Regards!

**THoog** · 12-21-2015, 03:29 PM

Originally posted by dansamy

I'm trying to keep teenage boys from devouring everything in sight. There's a lot of pasta in my pantry. Pasta with butter & Parmesan. Or ketchup. Or Alfredo sauce. Or tomato based sauce. Etc.

Yeah, with two teenage boys, you can't shovel it in fast enough. Can you get 50lb bags of Purina TeenChow?

(or, for Futurama fans: Bachelor Chow: Now with flavor!)

12-21-2015, 01:41 PM	#21878
Joel B Veteran Member Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Barnett MO. Photos: Albums Posts: 2,336	Originally posted by dansamy Don't you have to have pasta, rice or potatoes to be hamburger helper? I can't remember! I think I have blocked out the traumatic events of my childhood, like repeatedly being fed food like hamburger helper, Shake n Bake Manwich, or pretty much anything incinerated on a grill!(pops wanted to make sure it was dead)

12-21-2015, 03:16 PM	#21883
dansamy Site Supporter Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: Alabama Posts: 2,450	Originally posted by Joel B I can't remember! I think I have blocked out the traumatic events of my childhood, like repeatedly being fed food like hamburger helper, Shake n Bake Manwich, or pretty much anything incinerated on a grill!(pops wanted to make sure it was dead) I'm trying to keep teenage boys from devouring everything in sight. There's a lot of pasta in my pantry. Pasta with butter & Parmesan. Or ketchup. Or Alfredo sauce. Or tomato based sauce. Etc.

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12-21-2015, 12:54 PM	#21871
dansamy Site Supporter Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: Alabama Posts: 2,450	Originally posted by Jean Poitiers Skip the Velveeta ... thank ME later ! You can use a soft, easily meltable cheese instead of Velveeta if you prefer.

12-21-2015, 01:00 PM - 3 Likes	#21872
Jean Poitiers Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Lost in translation ... Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 18,076	Originally posted by dansamy You can use a soft, easily ~~meltable~~ edible cheese instead of Velveeta if you prefer. There. Fixed that for you. No charge, this time.

12-21-2015, 01:02 PM - 1 Like	#21873
THoog Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: North Carolina Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 3,685	Toss the whole mess and make a batch of bacon-wrapped "little smokies" sausages with a sprinkling of brown sugar on each one. Don't bother thanking me, 'cause I'll be passed out on the kitchen floor.

12-21-2015, 01:05 PM	#21874
dansamy Site Supporter Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: Alabama Posts: 2,450	Originally posted by Jean Poitiers There. Fixed that for you. No charge, this time. It still has to be something that will melt! The whole point is to eat it with chips.

12-21-2015, 01:10 PM	#21875
Jean Poitiers Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Lost in translation ... Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 18,076	Originally posted by THoog Toss the whole mess and make a batch of bacon-wrapped "little smokies" sausages with a sprinkling of brown sugar on each one. Don't bother thanking me, 'cause I'll be passed out on the kitchen floor. Ditto ! * * ( Blazing Saddles )

12-21-2015, 01:23 PM	#21876
Joel B Veteran Member Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Barnett MO. Photos: Albums Posts: 2,336	You use Mexican Velveeta and Rotel tomatoes. Makes the best nachos!! No ground beef! All you get then is Hamburger helper! Christmas eve we're gonna have chili, bacon wrapped monster scallops, ham wrapped pickles, lots of real cheese sliced, fake cheese aka mexican velveeta, cookies, pies, meatballs, little smokies and a variety drinkable items! Yes, we are planning on passing out! Christmas day starts with homemade sticky rolls! Dinner will be informal with the main course being French dip sandwiches from meat cooked all day!(special recipe) Yeah I'm stoked!!

12-21-2015, 01:30 PM	#21877
dansamy Site Supporter Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: Alabama Posts: 2,450	Don't you have to have pasta, rice or potatoes to be hamburger helper?

12-21-2015, 02:40 PM	#21879
MarkJerling Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 20,402	The problems of living in a small Pacific country are more apparent at Christmas time. Not only do we not have squirrels, Velveeta, or proper hot dogs (unless I make them myself - the hot dogs, that is, not the squirrels) but turkey (my favourite Christmas roast) is bloody expensive. In a move that is, supposedly about protecting our food industry from nasty diseases, we cannot buy USA turkeys, only locally grown ones. And, there's only three turkey farms in the whole country, so turkey costs $71 for a 6.5lbs turkey, with prices going up from there to around $140 for a 20lbs bird. That is sheer extortion. So, it's either a rip-off turkey, or a glazed ham, or I need to go out one night and shoot a wild turkey, and I've probably left it too late. Plus, the family will pull up their collective noses for wild turkey. So glazed ham it is. In the Weber. At least we can buy Webers here. Thanks for small mercies.

12-21-2015, 03:02 PM	#21880
FantasticMrFox Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: Munich Posts: 2,339	Here's what Shackleton and his man had for Christmas dinner on the Endurance in 1914: Anchovies in Oil, Jugged Hare, Turtle Soup, Whitebait, Mince Pies, Christmas Pudding, Figs, Dates & Crystallised Fruit, Tea and Biscuits, Rum and Stout For 2015 my grandparents are coming over from Bonn, and we're having smoked pork chop, sausages, green cabbage and potatoes, for dessert there will be cinnamon parfait with pears. Then my father, grandfather and I will sit down and have Lagavulin 16 yo. On Christmas eve, that is, because that's when Germans celebrate and exchange gifts. On Christmas day we're having Raclette, and on Boxing day there'll be a massive salmon slowly baked for hours under a thick crust of salt.

12-21-2015, 03:14 PM	#21881
FantasticMrFox Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: Munich Posts: 2,339	Oh, and I think for a thread full of people obsessed with food and food-like substances (Velveeta, surströmming etc.) it is absolutely mandatory we all get out our K-Non-3s and take pictures of our Christmas meals, then share them here for a nice collection of what people eat on the holidays around the globe!

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12-21-2015, 03:15 PM	#21882
Joel B Veteran Member Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Barnett MO. Photos: Albums Posts: 2,336	Originally posted by MarkJerling That is sheer extortion Here we use them as bait. Buy a ham and get a free turkey! Next year they wont be so cheap. We had a lot of operations wiped out by bird flu! The really REALLY stupid part is the inspectors spread it from one flock to the next! They of all people should have been following decon rules!!

12-21-2015, 03:23 PM	#21884
Rupert Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Texas Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 25,123	Originally posted by dansamy Add a pound of ground beef or ground sausage. Thank me later. Sausage is the best choice, and you are right, it makes it even more delicious. Melted Velveeta, Rotel, and ground sausage...I have NEVER seen anyone that did not want to gorge on that dip! Even haters learn to love when it is served. Originally posted by Rupert Hey guys, pick up the pace! I have over 10K squirrels willing to post here and if you don't pick it up, I'm gonna turn them loose! The pace really picked up some steam after that post! Scared the hell out of you guys, didn't it! Regards!

12-21-2015, 03:29 PM	#21885
THoog Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: North Carolina Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 3,685	Originally posted by dansamy I'm trying to keep teenage boys from devouring everything in sight. There's a lot of pasta in my pantry. Pasta with butter & Parmesan. Or ketchup. Or Alfredo sauce. Or tomato based sauce. Etc. Yeah, with two teenage boys, you can't shovel it in fast enough. Can you get 50lb bags of Purina TeenChow? (or, for Futurama fans: Bachelor Chow: Now with flavor!)