why I won't buy a k3 (Warning: Satire Thread)

**THoog** · 04-01-2016, 05:50 AM

Originally posted by savoche

Very generous of you. But he did say that he doesn't like bacon.

You guys are so unforgiving. I believe in the Power of Bacon. Even if Bert doesn't love bacon, bacon loves him, and in time, with our careful guidance (and endless nagging), Bert will let bacon into his heart, and stomach, and arteries, and...

Plus, if you guys think the girl in the tee-shirt doesn't have better social opportunities than hanging out with a bunch of internet weirdos who may or may not own a camera she's never heard of, you really should start drinking a better grade of shoe polish.

bertwert · 04-01-2016, 06:10 AM - **1 Like**

I've decided I now LOVE bacon

robtcorl · 04-01-2016, 06:14 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by bertwert

I've decided I now LOVE bacon

Wear this shirt to prove it.

Rupert · 04-01-2016, 06:18 AM

Originally posted by savoche

Originally posted by THoog Quote
I agree. He's still young - I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt before throwing him to the squirrels.
Very generous of you. But he did say that he doesn't like bacon.

Besides, it should be possible to find a replacement with a longer life expectancy than Rupert's girlfriend has.

I don't have her contact info, but I'm sure I'd recognise her should I meet her.

No, that was in her early bacon days....you wouldn't recognize her today. You think we might make room for her here if I can make contact again?
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Name: Heavy Load.jpg
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---------- Post added 04-01-16 at 08:35 AM ----------

Originally posted by bertwert

I've decided I now LOVE bacon

Can we trust Bert?

It's hard to trust a bacon convert........I've never even heard of such a thing? Has any real human ever had to be "converted" to bacon? There are many verified accounts of babies that uttered their first word ......Bacon! No one "converted" them......the bacon gene is either there or it isn't.

I'll go with whatever you guys decide, but I am skeptical?

Maybe a years probation and some photos of Bert actually eating some bacon would sway my thoughts? Otherwise, I'm for letting the squirrels deal with Bert.

...and what about the ham? Don't forget, Bert hates ham too......who the hell can hate ham? My ex brother in law, a good man that married a nagging self centered woman, was highly allergic to ham, yet at family gatherings he ate all of it he could choke down. A few days in intensive care was worth it. Maybe I was wrong to give him that 14 pound hickory smoked ham for his birthday, but he did have the most wonderful funeral I can recall attending....and was buried alongside a 15 pound pork shoulder.

...doesn't like ham.....I don't know, that is hard to accept, knowing others have sacrificed their all for tasty ham.

bertwert · 04-01-2016, 06:37 AM

Originally posted by Rupert

..and what about the ham? Don't forget, Bert hates ham too......who the hell can hate ham? My ex brother in law, a good man that married a nagging self centered woman, was highly allergic to ham, yet at family gatherings he ate all of it he could choke down. A few days in intensive care was worth it. Maybe I was wrong to give him that 14 pound hickory smoked ham for his birthday, but he did have the most wonderful funeral I can recall attending....and was buried alongside a 15 pound pork shoulder.

...doesn't like ham.....I don't know, that is hard to accept, knowing others have sacrificed their all for tasty ham.

I now LOVE ham as well

Rupert · 04-01-2016, 07:14 AM

Originally posted by bertwert

I now LOVE ham as well

Bert, are you willing to die for ham like my brother in law?

You see, it's hard to trust a guy after he makes the kind of posts you have made, though I want to give you every opportunity for salvation.

Get a buddy to take a snap of you eating a bacon & ham sandwich on white bread with a big slice of Velveeta on it and I'm convinced. You have to have it in your mouth and teeth entrenched or it won't count. It's up to you Bert.....going through life as a bacon/ham hating pervert is a nasty label to carry. As a young man with your future ahead, here is your chance to rectify your poor judgment.

Regards!

robtcorl · 04-01-2016, 07:24 AM - **1 Like**

Bert,
We promise to ease you into eating Spam too.

bertwert · 04-01-2016, 07:26 AM

BTW guys, check your calendar...

robtcorl · 04-01-2016, 07:34 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by bertwert

BTW guys, check your calendar...

I thought of that earlier, but I also thought you were a better person than that.
Where did they put that "ignore" button?

Rupert · 04-01-2016, 08:50 AM

Originally posted by robtcorl

I thought of that earlier, but I also thought you were a better person than that.
Where did they put that "ignore" button

Well, we tried, we gave Bert a chance. That's all we could do.....now his fate is up to the squirrels.

**THoog** · 04-01-2016, 09:08 AM

Originally posted by bertwert

BTW guys, check your calendar...

You didn't fool anyone, you young whipper and/or snapper! Love of pork products isn't something that happens overnight - it's a slow process that takes years, like heart disease or cholesterol buildup in the arteries.

bertwert · 04-01-2016, 09:23 AM

Originally posted by robtcorl

I thought of that earlier, but I also thought you were a better person than that.

Evil laughing...

Originally posted by Rupert

Well, we tried, we gave Bert a chance. That's all we could do.....now his fate is up to the squirrels.

Well

there are a lot of fearless squirrels here right now...

Originally posted by THoog

You didn't fool anyone, you young whipper and/or snapper! Love of pork products isn't something that happens overnight - it's a slow process that takes years, like heart disease or cholesterol buildup in the arteries.

Hey, I love ribs, pork chops, mince, roasts, etc.. But don't like the way bacon or ham is cooked. And I don't like liver.

robtcorl · 04-01-2016, 09:29 AM

Originally posted by Rupert

now his fate is up to the squirrels

Tell Otis to tell his army to take mouthwash when they head north.
I'm sure a bacon/ham hater will leave a foul taste.

RoxnDox · 04-01-2016, 09:30 AM

Originally posted by Ex Finn.

Liver and onions can be great, if cooked correctly.

"cooked correctly" = "at least two continents away from me"

robtcorl · 04-01-2016, 09:35 AM

I like chicken livers battered and fried or cooked in garlic butter.

edit, I deleted my chicken livers photo because this thread went dead after my post.
I'm replacing it with my girl Brooke getting a bacon snack.

04-01-2016, 06:18 AM	#25069
Rupert Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Texas Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 25,123	Originally posted by savoche Originally posted by THoog Quote I agree. He's still young - I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt before throwing him to the squirrels. Very generous of you. But he did say that he doesn't like bacon. Besides, it should be possible to find a replacement with a longer life expectancy than Rupert's girlfriend has. I don't have her contact info, but I'm sure I'd recognise her should I meet her. No, that was in her early bacon days....you wouldn't recognize her today. You think we might make room for her here if I can make contact again? ---------- Post added 04-01-16 at 08:35 AM ---------- Originally posted by bertwert I've decided I now LOVE bacon Can we trust Bert? It's hard to trust a bacon convert........I've never even heard of such a thing? Has any real human ever had to be "converted" to bacon? There are many verified accounts of babies that uttered their first word ......Bacon! No one "converted" them......the bacon gene is either there or it isn't. I'll go with whatever you guys decide, but I am skeptical? Maybe a years probation and some photos of Bert actually eating some bacon would sway my thoughts? Otherwise, I'm for letting the squirrels deal with Bert. ...and what about the ham? Don't forget, Bert hates ham too......who the hell can hate ham? My ex brother in law, a good man that married a nagging self centered woman, was highly allergic to ham, yet at family gatherings he ate all of it he could choke down. A few days in intensive care was worth it. Maybe I was wrong to give him that 14 pound hickory smoked ham for his birthday, but he did have the most wonderful funeral I can recall attending....and was buried alongside a 15 pound pork shoulder. ...doesn't like ham.....I don't know, that is hard to accept, knowing others have sacrificed their all for tasty ham.

04-01-2016, 09:23 AM	#25077
bertwert Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Golden, BC Posts: 15,172	Originally posted by robtcorl I thought of that earlier, but I also thought you were a better person than that. Evil laughing... Originally posted by Rupert Well, we tried, we gave Bert a chance. That's all we could do.....now his fate is up to the squirrels. Well there are a lot of fearless squirrels here right now... Originally posted by THoog You didn't fool anyone, you young whipper and/or snapper! Love of pork products isn't something that happens overnight - it's a slow process that takes years, like heart disease or cholesterol buildup in the arteries. Hey, I love ribs, pork chops, mince, roasts, etc.. But don't like the way bacon or ham is cooked. And I don't like liver. Last edited by bertwert; 04-01-2016 at 09:54 AM.

04-01-2016, 09:35 AM	#25080
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	I like chicken livers battered and fried or cooked in garlic butter. edit, I deleted my chicken livers photo because this thread went dead after my post. I'm replacing it with my girl Brooke getting a bacon snack. Last edited by robtcorl; 04-01-2016 at 03:37 PM.

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04-01-2016, 05:50 AM	#25066
THoog Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: North Carolina Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 3,685	Originally posted by savoche Very generous of you. But he did say that he doesn't like bacon. You guys are so unforgiving. I believe in the Power of Bacon. Even if Bert doesn't love bacon, bacon loves him, and in time, with our careful guidance (and endless nagging), Bert will let bacon into his heart, and stomach, and arteries, and... Plus, if you guys think the girl in the tee-shirt doesn't have better social opportunities than hanging out with a bunch of internet weirdos who may or may not own a camera she's never heard of, you really should start drinking a better grade of shoe polish.

04-01-2016, 06:10 AM - 1 Like	#25067
bertwert Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Golden, BC Posts: 15,172	I've decided I now LOVE bacon

04-01-2016, 06:14 AM - 1 Like	#25068
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Originally posted by bertwert I've decided I now LOVE bacon Wear this shirt to prove it.

04-01-2016, 06:37 AM	#25070
bertwert Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Golden, BC Posts: 15,172	Originally posted by Rupert ..and what about the ham? Don't forget, Bert hates ham too......who the hell can hate ham? My ex brother in law, a good man that married a nagging self centered woman, was highly allergic to ham, yet at family gatherings he ate all of it he could choke down. A few days in intensive care was worth it. Maybe I was wrong to give him that 14 pound hickory smoked ham for his birthday, but he did have the most wonderful funeral I can recall attending....and was buried alongside a 15 pound pork shoulder. ...doesn't like ham.....I don't know, that is hard to accept, knowing others have sacrificed their all for tasty ham. I now LOVE ham as well

04-01-2016, 07:14 AM	#25071
Rupert Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Texas Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 25,123	Originally posted by bertwert I now LOVE ham as well Bert, are you willing to die for ham like my brother in law? You see, it's hard to trust a guy after he makes the kind of posts you have made, though I want to give you every opportunity for salvation. Get a buddy to take a snap of you eating a bacon & ham sandwich on white bread with a big slice of Velveeta on it and I'm convinced. You have to have it in your mouth and teeth entrenched or it won't count. It's up to you Bert.....going through life as a bacon/ham hating pervert is a nasty label to carry. As a young man with your future ahead, here is your chance to rectify your poor judgment. Regards!

04-01-2016, 07:24 AM - 1 Like	#25072
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Bert, We promise to ease you into eating Spam too.

04-01-2016, 07:26 AM	#25073
bertwert Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Golden, BC Posts: 15,172	BTW guys, check your calendar...

04-01-2016, 07:34 AM - 1 Like	#25074
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Originally posted by bertwert BTW guys, check your calendar... I thought of that earlier, but I also thought you were a better person than that. Where did they put that "ignore" button?

04-01-2016, 08:50 AM	#25075
Rupert Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Texas Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 25,123	Originally posted by robtcorl I thought of that earlier, but I also thought you were a better person than that. Where did they put that "ignore" button Well, we tried, we gave Bert a chance. That's all we could do.....now his fate is up to the squirrels.

04-01-2016, 09:08 AM	#25076
THoog Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: North Carolina Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 3,685	Originally posted by bertwert BTW guys, check your calendar... You didn't fool anyone, you young whipper and/or snapper! Love of pork products isn't something that happens overnight - it's a slow process that takes years, like heart disease or cholesterol buildup in the arteries.

04-01-2016, 09:29 AM	#25078
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Originally posted by Rupert now his fate is up to the squirrels Tell Otis to tell his army to take mouthwash when they head north. I'm sure a bacon/ham hater will leave a foul taste.

04-01-2016, 09:30 AM	#25079
RoxnDox Pentaxian Join Date: May 2007 Location: Gig Harbor, Washington, USA, Terra Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 4,494	Originally posted by Ex Finn. Liver and onions can be great, if cooked correctly. "cooked correctly" = "at least two continents away from me"