Originally posted by jeallen01 Bullying! Won't go into the details, but suffice to say it lasted about 10 yrs from Primary School to the 5th form at my Secondary/Comprehensive school, mainly because I was VERY overweight (AKA "Fat"!!) at the time and thus an easy target (in the days when "Billy Bunter" - my abhored nickname at the time! - was on TV for many years!. Never able to successfully "fight back", and so that's why it lasted so long
Thereafter, I could never stand perceived bullying at work - unfortunately that didn't "go well" with quite a number of managers, and undoubtedly blighted my professional career
I'm very sorry to hear that. I sympathise, and can relate.
I suffered bullying from the day I started to school to mid-way through senior school, but mine was because of my accent. Although my Mum was from a large working class (mining, ship-building) family all rooted in very rough and tough industrial areas of the North East of England, my Dad's family were from somewhat more privileged Yorkshire stock. My Dad never had much of an accent (although there are a few northern influences in it), and as a young child I picked up more of his accent than my Mum's.... surprising really, as my Dad was at work most of the time
I was also taught that fighting is bad, and since I grew up and went to school in a rough area, I got picked on, even attacked, a lot - and I didn't fight back as much as I should. I was always an outsider, in a school that had very few of those. Most kids there were cut from a particular cloth, so to speak.
The bullying got so bad when I was at junior school (seven years old) that my parents, though they could ill afford it, sold our small family home and bought a different one some miles away in a slightly better area, purely so I could go to a nicer school. I wouldn't say it was "nice", but definitely a little bit "better". But it was still a rough area, and I was still considered the "posh" kid. I still got picked on, and I was never really part of the in-crowd. Becoming interested in computers and technology and other "nerdy" pastimes from 11 years old onwards didn't help.
Do I think the bullying had any lasting effects on me? For sure. I've had some self-esteem issues all my life that must be partly due to that, though if you plotted the severity of them on a graph you'd see a gradual decline through my adult years, and a very sharp decline in my 40s (as I just don't care what people think about me any more
). I've had depression and anxiety issues too, though much less in later life. I've gone through cognitive behavioural therapy, medication, self-help books etc., none of which fully dealt with the problems I had. The only thing that really dealt with them was getting a little older and wiser, and the perspective that brings
I care about people - my family, friends, even those I don't know. But I don't care one jot how I'm perceived, and haven't cared about that for a few years now.
I wouldn't go out of my way to talk about something like this on an open forum, as it's quite personal... but here's the thing: I said at the start of this reply that I could relate. Not to disregard or analyse your own situation at all, but I reckon a large proportion of people have gone through different varieties of the same or similar problems. Of course, we always think our situation is worse (or
the worst), and in some instances it really is, but lots of us go through very difficult times as a kid to a greater or lesser extent. That can't help but shape us as individuals in later life - but all we can do is own it.
Here's another thing... I've never, ever considered myself a victim or wanted anyone to pity me, or tell me everything will be OK, no matter what happened (I'm sure you haven't either). I don't know where I got that from, but there it is
Even in the worst times, my thinking - perhaps in simpler terms as a younger boy - has more-or-less been "this is where I am and what I have to deal with, and so be it". That has stood me well from childhood through to the current day. At school, work, with family, good friends and those that disappointed me.
Full disclosure: I still hate violence, and it still makes me edgy... but if someone comes at me or mine (family or friends), they'd better get ready for trouble from an abysmally-qualified but strong-willed fighter. Only ever in defence, of course. But strong will goes an awfully long way
Pointless ranting over... Again, I sympathise, and I hope you're doing better these days!