[robtcorl]

The gastroenterologist is sending me "we miss you" cards again

Mine is too, since they found and removed a polyp 3 years ago.
Maybe later this year I'll comply.

[CharLac]

Power was out for a while tonight...Mrs CharLac and I had a nice romantic dinner

[BigMackCam]

Power was out for a while tonight...Mrs CharLac and I had a nice romantic dinner

Nice

What did you have for the main course?

EDIT: I'm a fine one to talk... Today was the first day where it felt right to have a good, old-fashioned chopped salad for lunch. Nothing fancy, just chopped ham, lots of lettuce, scallions (spring onions / green onions / whatever you folks call 'em), tomatoes, sliced egg. After the winter months and accompanying food, it was a refreshing change

[Racer X 69]

Why do they knock you out for colonoscopies? Here, those are usually done awake.

My Dad had a colonoscopy very recently. Even considering the lack of anaesthetic (just a mild tranquiliser is given here in the UK), it was the MoviPrep before-hand that he disliked most of all

The following was written by humorist Dave Barry, and appeared in his column in the Miami Herald, February 22, 2008 (note that his doctor uses a much longer (15,000 feet longer) camera on a hose):

Dave Barry
A journey into my colon — and yours

Colonoscopy Journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later, for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug.

This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'

This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that?

Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.

At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode.

You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.

'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea.

Really.

I slept through it.

One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that IT was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors.

I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

[eddie1960]

Yesterday, at about 7am I lost all reference to what day of the week it is.

year ago i had emergency surgery hence my keep.pushing that button. thankfully good docs they basically saved my life. the ensuing few days were tough no food or water just morphine. but when they ipened up food it was worse. thankfully hospital close to chinatown and a freind picked up best wonton i have ever eaten




---------- Post added 20th Mar 2019 at 19:05 ----------

The following was written by humorist Dave Barry, and appeared in his column in the Miami Herald, February 22, 2008 (note that his doctor uses a much longer (15,000 feet longer) camera on a hose):

Dave Barry

A journey into my colon — and yours

Colonoscopy Journal:



I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.



A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.



Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.



I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'



I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later, for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.



I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.



Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.



Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug.



This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.



The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'



This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.



MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.



After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.



The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that?



Flowers would not be enough.



At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.



Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.



At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode.



You would have no choice but to burn your house.



When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.



Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.



There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.



'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.



'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.



I have no idea.



Really.



I slept through it.



One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.



Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that IT was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors.



I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

i love dave so funny

[Racer X 69]

Nice

What did you have for the main course?

EDIT: I'm a fine one to talk... Today was the first day where it felt right to have a good, old-fashioned chopped salad for lunch. Nothing fancy, just chopped ham, lots of lettuce, scallions (spring onions / green onions / whatever you folks call 'em), tomatoes, sliced egg. After the winter months and accompanying food, it was a refreshing change

I have a vegetable salad for a meal nearly every day. Lettuce, celery, carrots, red, yellow, orange and green bell pepper, mushrooms, scallions, cucumber, olives, some nuts (I rotate through pecans, walnuts, slivered almonds, sunflower seeds), shredded Romano or Parmesan cheese, ginger salad dressing.

Sometimes Mrs. Racer 2.0 sears some prawns or fish to put on top. Other days she slices a steak up in thin strips, seasons and sears it, to top the salad.

Tasty!

Healthy.

Did I mention I am losing weight?

Yeah, buddy.

[BigMackCam]

The following was written by humorist Dave Barry, and appeared in his column in the Miami Herald, February 22, 2008

That experience almost exactly mirrors my Dad's The only thing I'd add is, if I hadn't been preparing his MoviPrep, flavouring it (with what I legitimately could), scheduling and encouraging him to take it, and preventing his usual snacking activities, he'd never have been ready for the procedure. He has almost no will power

[BigMackCam]

I have a vegetable salad for a meal nearly every day. Lettuce, celery, carrots, red, yellow, orange and green bell pepper, mushrooms, scallions, cucumber, olives, some nuts (I rotate through pecans, walnuts, slivered almonds, sunflower seeds), shredded Romano or Parmesan cheese, ginger salad dressing.

Sometimes Mrs. Racer 2.0 sears some prawns or fish to put on top. Other days she slices a steak up in thin strips, seasons and sears it, to top the salad.

Tasty!

Healthy.

Did I mention I am losing weight?

Yeah, buddy.

Good on you, Racer

I was fairly well-behaved for most of last year, but in the second half and Q1 this year, I've been dreadful... put a lot of weight back on, both from food and, it must be said, wine.

A few days ago I started back on a slightly healthier regime... not specifically for weight loss, but that should result as a bi-product. A light breakfast (eg. whole-grain cracker-bread, deli turkey or ham and cucumber or tomatoes), smaller portion of whatever lunch I make for Mum & Dad, and a light dinner of basically anything, but low calorie and high-enough protein to keep me full 'til bed. And, occasionally, a glass or even two of red wine.

But I'm exercising more, too. I became terribly sedentary last year, but in the last few weeks and especially very recently, I'm trying to get out for a daily walk of at least a couple of miles, usually more. I've missed a few days, but on others have walked considerably more. It's hardly major exercise, but more than I was doing, plus it feels good and is beneficial for my RA...

I'm looking forward to dropping off the weight again, as I definitely felt better all round from it, and it was especially helpful with the joints...

[Racer X 69]

Regarding those race car shoes... In the words of the immortal jazz musician, Charles Mingus:

"The Shoes of the Fisherman's Wife Are Some Jiveass Slippers"

Did I mention that I have also used those shoes Jivass Slippers while skydiving? They are very aerodynamic and the soles provide good traction when jumping out the door of the jump plane.

[BigMackCam]

Did I mention that I have also used those shoes Jivass Slippers while skydiving? They are very aerodynamic and the soles provide good traction when jumping out the door of the jump plane.

You didn't, but I'm not surprised.

I mean, which of us doesn't have his favourite sky-diving shoes??

[robtcorl]

I have a vegetable salad for a meal nearly every day.

There are salads made without vegetables? Show me the way!
edit, well I guess there are those fruit salads.

[Racer X 69]

There are salads made without vegetables? Show me the way!
edit, well I guess there are those fruit salads.

You need this Bob.



Meat and cheese trail mix.

[BigMackCam]

There are salads made without vegetables? Show me the way!
edit, well I guess there are those fruit salads.

On that note, in my recipe hunting activities I recently came across a Southern American "delight" that I vaguely remember hearing of, but never knew what it was:

The "Ambrosia Salad".

The recipe I read was as follows:

1 (8 oz.) tub of whipped topping, thawed
1 cup sour cream
1 (20 oz.) can pineapple tidbits, drained well
1 (15 oz.) can mandarin orange segments, drained well
1 cup red or green seedless grapes, sliced in half
1 1/2 cups sweetened coconut flakes
1 1/2 cups mini marshmallows
1 (10 oz.) jar of maraschino cherry halves, drained very well (optional)
1/2 cup chopped pecans (optional)


Now, I like to consider myself a culturally broad- and open-minded individual, but where the heck does that come off as a salad??!

I love the USA... I've had many a good time there, I have respect for its constitution and especially for its peoples... but please, someone, tell me where whipped topping and marshmallows figure in a "salad"??

[Racer X 69]

Did I mention that I have also used those shoes Jivass Slippers while skydiving? They are very aerodynamic and the soles provide good traction when jumping out the door of the jump plane.

You didn't, but I'm not surprised.

Well I did.

I have used my race driving shoes while jumping out of perfectly good airplanes.

[BigMackCam]

You need this Bob.



Meat and cheese trail mix.

Oh my... are those pieces of jerky and chopped snacking salami in there?!?