Two words about myself first:
I am an Architect by profession who dived into Pentax cameras about 2 years ago by a contact with a ME super system. I fell in love with the film camera and starting shooting film for some time. then I wanted more, more frames, more pixels, more versatility and I got me a second hand k-x(digital one). After shooting with it for a year and a half I jumped to a k-30, the leap was huge, illuminated AF points, are you kidding me?!
Paradoxically, not only did I not see any improvement in my pictures, they seem to get worse, endless pictures of no value to me whatsoever. I had occasional views with people who weren't very enthusiastic about them. I am talking about people who take a couple of lessons about picture composition, learn the rule of thirds and think that's all photography is about.
(Now you have to keep in mind, In architecture school we had drawing classes and graphical representations of projects, hence my photography composition was waaay off at the begining.)
So my artistic side grew more insecure with the passing of time. I kept on shooting pictures, editing them, but rarely shared them. and in the meanwhile my own critique over my work begun evolving, I started deleting more pictures, I started taking the finger off the shutter more often, I started keeping the shadows low and the highlights high. all this in a process of overthinking throughout the whole process. I visited photo expos, and started unconsciously developing a critique side, this mostly on the pentaxians comunity, here and on the FB page. the more my critiquing side grew the more I hesitated to create my own work, over analyzing an pre-critiquing my shots... and then it hit me... "I AM SALIERI!!"
Salieri - for who might not know - is the main villain character in the classic movie about Mozart, "Amadeus". After spending his entire life in and about music, he realizes he has no talent for composing, but is cursed with the ability to spot a masterpiece of the kind, which is Mozart's music.
So here I am, shuffling through pictures posted on internet or galleries, analyzing composition, subject representation, metaphors, color tones, picture rendition, with an ever growing critique attitude and an ever shrinking artistic drive.
Anyway, some time ago, an old colleague of mine reaches out to me through instagram and tells me how in awe he is from my photography work in there, and asks me if I have taken photography seriously as a profession. this friend is an architect turned director. I was stunned, I rarely post on instagram and I dont take it very seriously. during the same period of time, a couple of friends of mine insisted on me making an exposition of my work in photography. At first I was delighted, but then I started thinking: I have to review my pictures... I have to edit them... I should choose e theme... I should choose a place... I should arrange this thing... etc etc... So the Salieri took over the situation. Here I am now, continuing shooting, randomly reviewing and editing, and not with any intention on opening that expo any time soon.
Bottom line is: At a certain point of my journey in photography, my critiquing side got bigger than my creative one, and is constantly choking it. But on the bright side, my creative self is fighting back and is coming out somehow stronger and better, because of my own self critique.
It would help me a lot to see if any of you has a similar experience!
(Picture for metaphor)