My personal approach is to think of photography as "image-making," rather than "picture-taking."
I lean towards rich, vibrant colors in my work, but enjoy lots of styles other than my own. I have no love for HDR, but not because it looks "un-real,"—just because it looks gross to me.
I like this discussion, but I think it's interesting that color and tonal-value are so often attributed as the determining factors in realism when there are so many other factors at play. Perhaps the other factors (composition, for example) conceal their influence more naturally and are less perceptible without cognitive thought.
Perception = reality, but with most things, that equation is limited to the individual level. One of the unique things about photography is that it provides a rare opportunity for one person's perception to have tremendous influence over other people's reality. That's a powerful notion.
Despite claims to the contrary, I'd argue that very few photographers are truly in pursuit of "realism." Purposefully-composing a shot, using or adjusting the lighting, using make-up, shooting in black-and-white, using anything but an optically-perfect lens (if such a thing exists), choosing to keep one photo while tossing a similar shot—all those steps represent shifts away from reality and towards the photographer's desired perceptions.
Where does one draw the border of "reality," anyway? At the edge of the lens, or at the edge of the image? The world around us is filled with distortion, enhancement, façades, illusions, spin, etc.—so Is a photograph "realistic" if the purposeful-distortions exist solely on the far side of the lens? That answer, it seems, may also be matter of personal perception. ;-)
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