[NicoleAu]

Hi all,

I'm shooting an old schoolfriends wedding with another old schoolfriend in April and I'm a little worried. I haven't shot a wedding before and this will be my second as I have another tiny one in a couple of weeks. This will be my friends 2nd wedding shoot, although I'm not sure of the details of the 1st one. My friend is being really close-mouthed about how she's planning to shoot the wedding with me, she basically answers my questions with, I don't know, what are your plans/ideas etc. She has in the past proven to be unreliable as well, we arranged to meet the B&G to check out the venue + talk to them about it all and she did her back the day before so couldn't make it, she also mentioned her back hadn't flaked out on her in a while. She's not turned up to a single meeting with me either. Anyway, she's decided she wants to shoot the bride and I'm to shoot the groom and that's as far as we have gotten.

I'm a bit worried about how I'm going to work with her on the day, if she won't tell me anything, does anyone have any advice?

[Gashog]

Pick a fight with her so she has an excuse to back out?
It doesn't sound like she wants do do it.

[NicoleAu]

She definitely wants to do it. She told me that she was asked first and they had only wanted her and then they thought they might want a 2nd photographer. But when I was talking to the couple at our meeting, they said no that they wanted us to be pretty much on equal footing with it.

I half want to back out myself, but I know how much the couple already love my work and I have committed. It's just going to be very stressful working with someone who won't share.

[einstrigger]

Are you guys being hired or paid to do this? Or is this just a friendly favor? I don't know if you and "the friend" are the primary shooters of this wedding, but I would at least set realistic expectations with the bride and groom. Especially considering there is no plan in place and you get replies like "...I don't know..."

You had the right idea, in that the two of you should really meet with the bride/groom to discuss the type of photos they want in addition to scoping the location if possible. Here's a general list of shots in a typical wedding just to give you an idea: Wedding Photo List

You do NOT need to do everything, but it gives a starting place for ideas and the possible shots they may want. If your friend is unable to meet or at least plan this with you, I'd suggest finding a polite way to relegate them to secondary shooter.

EDIT: Posted right after your 2nd response. Anyhow, it looks like she is a friend of the bride. It may just be that you need to be independent of the other person or not take the main responsibility. In other words, if your friend wants to do it half-assed, let her take the full responsibility. You can do candids or something else.

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Last edited by einstrigger; 02-15-2011 at 05:38 PM.

[ziggy7]

Shooting a wedding is a big responsibility. You have little to gain and a lot to lose. The best favor you could do for the bride is to help her to realize she needs a pro. Where and when is the wedding?

[NicoleAu]

Ziggy, the bride and groom cannot afford to hire a pro unfortunately. They're doing it as cheap as they can and can't even afford a honeymoon. It's near me in April. And before you suggest it, I can't afford a pro either. I'm not a perfect photographer, but I think I do alright. I mainly do portraiture and street candids.

I'm actually closer to the bride than she is, but when I was chatting to her about it all, as I said she made herself out to be the primary and I was an afterthought, so I followed her lead thinking she knew what she was doing.

I think the whole do our own thing on the day might have to be the go. It's hard for me though as I tend to be a perfectionist and a slight control freak lol. I just really want my friends to have the best wedding photos of their day that I can deliver, they're such a beautiful (in all ways) couple and I think they deserve that.

[twitch]

Pick up the phone and talk to the other photographer. That's the best advice I can give. Someone will need to take the lead at various points in the day otherwise you will get in each others shots, or you will have formals where half are looking at one camera, the other half the other. You could share these lead times around but decide before hand. Eg the procession, ceremony, recession, formals, romantics/portraits. Others parts dont need a lead like the reception and candids.

I just helped shoot a wedding for some friends a couple of weeks ago. hmmm. It was hard work, forget about being able to enjoy the wedding as a guest. It was very stressful; I made mistakes on the day and it took hours of my time post processing. I so so wish I had a second body so I could have something wide on one and a normal/tele on the other, as it was I always seemed to have the wrong one on and sometimes there just isn't time for lens changes. You also need to be directive and that just isn't my nature.

...and in the end... it may not really be appreciated. Be prepared for that, if you are doing it for free then that's likely how much the B&G value your effort, sad but true.

[Gashog]

It doesn't sound good Nicole.
I'm dyslexic as hell so I wanna make sure I have it straight.
Your old school friend calls another one of your old school friends. Hires her to shoot her wedding.
Then she contacts you? Asks you if you can shoot it too?
So rather then tell her she's fired and you're hired, the bride wants you both there?
The original deal between the bride and her friend is kinda off now. She has to share with you.
So even though the two of you are friends, she's feeling jealousy because the bride (her friend) likes your work better then hers maybe. Or maybe she thinks that you and the bride are better friends? Or maybe she thinks that you offered her a better deal and are trying to cut her out...or move in on her job?

I would have it out with the other photog. You two go back some years so it would be a shame to lose a friend over something like this. This latent hostility needs to come out. Maybe you two need to shout it out or whatever but you need to get on the same page. She has shut down on you and doesn't want to give you anything. What's it going to be like on the big day?
Failure to communicate is making an awkward situation, a hostile one. No good for you, your friend the photog, and especially no good for the bride. I hope you can work it out but whatever happens, the longer you let it fester, the worse it's going to be.
You have to tell people what you feel, as hard as it is sometimes. If you don't, you're being dishonest....if not to others, to yourself. It sounds to me like your friend is not able to express her feelings. You have to get her to open up, even if that means a blowout.

[bdery]

Nicole,

what I would suggest is that you sit down with the B&G and ask them exactly what they expect. Maybe browse the web with them, looking at examples pictures? look around Fred Miranda, for instance.

Do this with the other photographer, and ask the bride to insist that she comes. then plan the day together, and make sure it's airtight.

A photographer is often a de facto wedding planner, especially at relatively inexpensive weddings. So you have to be prepared. and you have to talk to the other photographer, maybe ask the bride to state her expectations from both of you, etc. You can tell her of your worries, without b!tching on the other girl.

Regarding gear, bring a backup body, lots of backup memory cards, make sure you have a flash, fast glass, and that you know your gear well.

Good luck!

[Ira]

Shooting a wedding is a big responsibility. You have little to gain and a lot to lose. The best favor you could do for the bride is to help her to realize she needs a pro. Where and when is the wedding?

Best advice. So don't shoot it.

You're going to lose sleep over this, and it just ain't worth it.

This couple and their families are going to take this beautiful, righteous and pure love you have for photography and turn it into something dirty, disgusting, and shameful.

Been there...done that...back in the film days when a lot of supplies/processing costs were on the line as well.

DON'T DO IT!!!

Also, forget about talking reasonably with these people beforehand, because anything they say or agree to, they'll conveniently forget and hate your guts for what you do.

As it is, they're going to be married when they see your shots, so they're going to both be miserable by the very nature of this circumstance.

[Gashog]

....... something dirty, disgusting, and shameful.

Yes!
The very reason I got into photography in the first place!

[Gashog]

You know something Nicole?...I think maybe you should bow out.
Let her shoot the dam wedding and you have some drinks and have fun with your friends. Weddings suck anyway. Your photog friend wanted you to follow the groom around. Forget that. Why don't you do your own shoot with the couple a few days before the big day? You said you do portraiture and street photography. Do some cute portraits and take the couple somewhere and get some nice candids. they're usually better then the wedding photos anyway.

[TOUGEFC]

Agreed ^^
What you decribed Nicole has disaster written all over it! Let her shoot the wedding and be responsible for the wedding shots, take your camera and take many candids of the whole event as a guest, and the bride and groom will probably end up liking your shots better anyway.

[alohadave]

I'm usually supportive of new wedding shooters, but this sounds bad. An unreliable lead who won't communicate with you and breaks meetings with the client are huge red flags.

I understand that the wedding is on the cheap, but this situation isn't good for your first wedding.

[alohadave]

As it is, they're going to be married when they see your shots, so they're going to both be miserable by the very nature of this circumstance.

Cynical much?