[thoughton]

There's a right way to get emotional portraits like this. The awkward positioning of the pencil against her lips in this shot is not one of them. It's awkward, unflattering, etc. Now that I look at it again, her left eye is awkwardly closed a lot more than the right. Awkward lip positions and a lazy eye look = unflattering.

I think you might be applying too many of the 'rules' to this picture.

[sam-joseph]

There's a black smudge, from her eye level down to her mouth, at the edge of her hair. Also, her overall expression is one of aggression/pain, which I personally do not find appealing
Otherwise, she's probably a crackin' good sort.

Regards