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01-31-2011, 08:51 AM   #1
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What you needed to know . . .

. . . before you started on that lens. I modified and added to 'Natural Laws of the Shop' to better align with recent interaction with an aircraft (undoubtedly of the female gender). However, I'm sure y'all will find an application for some of these immutable laws while messing about with photo gear. Additional laws or corollaries to these are welcome for the edification of all. H2

Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become covered with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee really bad - especially so if you're over 65 and/or working on the ramp right in front of the passenger terminal.

Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, or screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner and out of sight. (Corollary One: Once found it will be out of reach.)

Law of Close Encounters - The probability that a nut, bolt or screw will be accessible without complete dis-assembly of an adjacent part is inversely proportional to its importance to the job at hand.

Law of Absence - The only tool that will prevent frequent interaction with the Law of Close Encounters is the one tool you don't have. (First Corollary to this law: Once you have it, you'll never need it again until you loan it to someone else - who just left for a 10-day vacation in the Caribbean.)

Law of the Pernicious Results - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will – until they leave.

Law of Probability - The probability of being observed by kibitzers is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act and the presence of a video camera.

Law of Random Numbers - When you choose a socket wrench, you will never pick the correct one on the first two attempts - especially so if you paid extra for a color coded, etched socket set hoping it would help.

Law of the Wiring Harness - There will always be a grease smear covering the critical pin-out connection on the only schematic diagram you could find on the internet.

Law of False Relief - If you luck out and the most expensive or least available part turns out not to have been the problem, the very next morning it too will fail - 20 miles from the shop.

Law of Invariability - The part you need will be the one you'll have to order, and it will be temporarily out of stock - for about a month.

Law of the Lanes - If you change check-out lanes at the parts or hardware store, the one you were in will invariably move faster than the one you switched to.

Law of the Phone - When both hands are fully immersed in packing grease, the telephone call you were expecting rings.

Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of a greased wheel bearing landing face down on a dirty floor is directly proportional to the time spent cleaning and greasing it.

Law of Bio-mechanics - The severity of an itch is inversely proportional to its accessibility from your position under the hood.

The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down for a coffee break, you'll be interrupted until the coffee is cold.

Law of Keys - If there are three keys to a tool locker, two will be with someone who's gone out to lunch. You'll find the third one in your pocket when you undress for bed.

Law of Logical Arguments - Anything is possible if you don't know what you're about to attempt.

Law of Physical Appearance - If the overhauls fit, the seat's ripped out. Something you won't notice until you make a parts run to town.

Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find an economical tool or product that actually works as advertised they'll stop making it.

Law of Beer - a shop kibitzer will always drink the last beer just before you quit for the day.

Law of Free Advice - It's worth exactly what you paid for it. However, if you ignore it, it will turn out to have been correct and would have saved you considerable time and money.

Uhh, OH, yeah! . . . and fungus always begins on the north side of the lens.

Last edited by pacerr; 02-07-2011 at 09:56 PM.
01-31-2011, 02:14 PM   #2
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QuoteOriginally posted by pacerr Quote
Law of Probability - The probability of being observed by kibitzers is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
One thing to add to this "law" - is that the kibitzers will have a video camera!! :-)
01-31-2011, 03:50 PM   #3
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Very amusing mate.

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