[kyteflyer]

You're a good man, Rupert, going to visit your old friend like that. Many people abandon their elderly once they know they are being cared for and its very very sad.

[Rupert]

You're a good man, Rupert, going to visit your old friend like that. Many people abandon their elderly once they know they are being cared for and its very very sad.

Good man...that is disputable no doubt, but I do have a concern for the elderly that are forgotten. Not just my friend but the many millions that waste away alone and without anyone to share in their life story, their history, their pleasures and pains in life. These are people, they have a wealth of stories, mountains of wisdom....and no one seems interested. That is a crying shame.

It is difficult, and heartbreaking at times, but everyone should make an effort to communicate with these forgotten people. A few minutes a week can add wisdom and enlightenment to your own life. Painful as it is, you will be the real beneficiary....I know I have been.
Regards!

[stormtech]

Good man...that is disputable no doubt, but I do have a concern for the elderly that are forgotten. Not just my friend but the many millions that waste away alone and without anyone to share in their life story, their history, their pleasures and pains in life. These are people, they have a wealth of stories, mountains of wisdom....and no one seems interested. That is a crying shame.

It is difficult, and heartbreaking at times, but everyone should make an effort to communicate with these forgotten people. A few minutes a week can add wisdom and enlightenment to your own life. Painful as it is, you will be the real beneficiary....I know I have been.
Regards!

Not to go too deep into this subject, but I always wonder why this has happened. Way back yonder Grandpa and Grandma were always at the farm in their elder years with their family. When did this change come about where they are now shuffled off to a nursing home and forgotten?

[Rupert]

Not to go too deep into this subject, but I always wonder why this has happened. Way back yonder Grandpa and Grandma were always at the farm in their elder years with their family. When did this change come about where they are now shuffled off to a nursing home and forgotten?

Maybe because they don't have to entertain Grandma and Grandpa....instead they have a man with a guitar come in once a month and sing and play for them? That has got to be better than family being nearby...you think?


Something has changed in our world, even in Asian nations, known for their high respect for the elderly, that respect is eroding.
I think it must be near impossible for younger people to picture themselves as old and disabled, so they have little concern for their own destiny or those that are already there? We should all be ashamed of our disrespect.....I am, because I do less that I should, less than I could.

Regards!

[AldaCZ]

s phone snap from a walk

[paulh]

s phone snap from a walk

Nice one Alda - those phones are handy when you come across a nice scene while out & about!

A couple shots from a nearby (shrinking!) pond, taken with my niece's 5 mp Canon Powershot SD450. This was mid-September last year:

[Rupert]

AldaCZ.....Another very nice shot! It sort of brings to mind a question.....Could a guy with a Big FF camera, a tripod, a bag full of very expensive lenses, a light meter, a couple of assistants to carry all that gear, and a bank account reflecting all that expense....take that same shot at the same time, and post it here in the same thread and exhibit any truly appreciable difference?

Toy Cameras, they have a place in photography, as do FF and other cameras of all types. The difference? Toy Cameras are there all the time, ready to shoot and ready to perform at a seconds notice. You were there, the FF was not......Long Live Toy Cameras!

Regards!

[magkelly]

I would fight my siblings tooth and nail before I ever let them put my Dad into one of those places. There's a good reason I have his POA. They've mentioned it more than once. They just got the cold, hard stare routine from me, laugh. The only reason I would ever do that is if Dad had Alzheimer's or something like that and did not recognize me at all. If he was dangerous to himself or needed end of life illness type nursing care to a level where I and some outpatient nurses could not handle at home.

My Dad and I have our issues, but there is no way I'd ever let him end up like that if I had any say in the matter. I will take care of him till he is gone, period. If I need help I will get it, but I will never just abandon him to a residential nursing home unless there is absolutely no alternative. It's one thing for him to be there for a few weeks while he's recovering from an illness to get therapy and that. Living there, that's a whole other thing, and he deserves better than that. I've seen old people in those places. A lot of them they just give up and sit around looking vacant, doing nothing, acting like living vegetables. That's not a life. Dad is definitely not like that and I don't want him to get to that point either.

I don't believe in just abandoning the elderly. This whole "me" centric culture that's sprung up it frankly disgusts me. My parents were horrible parents in some way and I'm not one to sugar coat that but they still gave birth to me and did their best in their eyes anyway to raise me. They messed up a lot. There were chemical issues and abuse. For years our relationship was very turbulent as a result. I still have issues with that, therapy notwithstanding, but my Dad is my Dad. He was not a great one sometimes but he's still my father and he's getting way old, and he needs care. He's very dependent on me at this point.

Some of his kids barely talk to him. Not one of them would step up to do my job. They'd just see him put into a home and visit sporadically maybe. They're obviously relieved that they don't have to do my job. But that's not who I am. I can't just abandon my Dad because it's not too convenient sometimes for me to take care of him. I have to live with my own conscience, you know? When he's gone I want to be able to look back and know that I did the right thing. Not fret that I didn't. It might not bother some people, putting their family members in a home, but it sure would bother me. I've always been the caretaker kid. It's not been very good for me at times. I often feel like I've raised my parents instead of the other way around. But my conscience is clear and will be when my Dad is gone.

I have a much closer relationship with my Dad now than I did growing up. Much closer than any of my siblings. I encourage them to contact him, to have one, but I can't help but wonder sometimes if they'll be okay with it mentally when all is said and done. Probably they can be very self centered individuals at times and what bugs me usually doesn't bug them, shrug. I tell you what though, when he is gone? I'm gone. I will do exactly what he wants, in terms of his wishes and his estate such as it is, but after that I'm moving far, far away from the whole lot of them. I will miss my one set of nieces. I am enjoying watching them grow up, and likely we'll stay in touch, but my siblings? Not likely. Minimal contact, and that will be fine by me.

It's true. You can pick your family but you can't pick your relatives. The few close friends I consider family I will never lose track of if I can help it. My actual relatives? I'd just as soon not even live on the same coast, thanks! I've got nothing against my siblings and that but I don't really care for them as people. We're very different people. They're just my Dad's other kids. I call them brother/sister but really there is almost no relationship there at all, even with the one brother that actually lives here. I keep them up to date on Dad because it's the right thing to do, but once he's gone there will be no reason really hardly to stay in contact. I'll rather miss the kids, but not enough to stay within hailing distance of their parents...

But if my relatives had their way? Dad would already be in one of those place....shudder....

[Rupert]

Mag.....Nursing Homes are sad and depressing places...and sometimes there is no alternative. Yes, there are a multitude of those sitting with blank stares and even in their dreams they seem distressed....


You are doing what you can with your Dad.....I am with my friend.....maybe others will join and at least try to find one or two they can comfort and bring a little ray of sunshine into an otherwise empty existence....we can hope.

Regards! Do unto others......

You Tube

You Tube

[reeftool]

My Dad was in a nursing home for a couple of months before he passed away. He needed constant care at that point, something my sister or myself weren't equipped to do. They are sad places. Rupert, I hope you and your old friend can share some last good moments despite the surroundings.

Wildflowers, a heron, cows munching away on some fine looking green grass.....none of that here! I haven't shown my Lumix much love lately but I just took a few shots around the yard after cleaning up last night's 9 inches of snow. It's warm this afternoon, the first time in about 6 weeks we have been above the freezing point!

This is the only "green" you see around here. My Deere 1028E has seen a lot of use this year!


The backyard and garage. It will be a long time before I'll be planting a garden this year! Snow is about waist deep and we've missed the worse of it!

[skankin_giant]

Love stuff on here as usual! Love the snow shots don't really get to see snow down here.
I've not been out in a day or 2, not been the weather to do anything!
You're a good friend Rupert! I try to get my kids over my Grandmothers every Sunday I'm home, My sister and I are the only two out of 4 grandchildren (and 2 step grandchildren) who visit regularly, we all live within in 10 miles of each other... I get blamed for being the favourite, and all they hear from gran when they are over is about me and my family, but I'm the only thing she has to talk about as she is sat at home alone most of the time. My uncle is the worse makes it out to be such a chore to visit his mother! my mother, daughter-in-law to my gran looks after her as she did with my grandfather. My family piddle me off.

Anyway I have got a couple of new "toy cameras" to play with though.... but they are FF!
A Pentax MX with 50 f/1.8 and a surprise Olympus XA which I am quite excited to try!

Cheers, Steve

[Rupert]

Reef...those are some nice shots that show the misery we try to avoid at my place! I detest cold weather, but may have a little this week ourselves. It won't be anything like that, fortunately!


Skank.....Keep it up...your Granny appreciates every visit, and so do you. We need to live up to our responsibilities if we are to continue to hold our heads high and declare ourselves as honorable men...and women. The Golden Rule is always a good measure of how we are doing......it is honored in all cultures, just not used to its full advantage.

Regards!

[stormtech]

My Dad was in a nursing home for a couple of months before he passed away. He needed constant care at that point, something my sister or myself weren't equipped to do. They are sad places. Rupert, I hope you and your old friend can share some last good moments despite the surroundings.

Wildflowers, a heron, cows munching away on some fine looking green grass.....none of that here! I haven't shown my Lumix much love lately but I just took a few shots around the yard after cleaning up last night's 9 inches of snow. It's warm this afternoon, the first time in about 6 weeks we have been above the freezing point!

This is the only "green" you see around here. My Deere 1028E has seen a lot of use this year!


The backyard and garage. It will be a long time before I'll be planting a garden this year! Snow is about waist deep and we've missed the worse of it!

Nice snow blower! I think I had the same model when we first bought this place. While it was an excellent machine (with the electric start) it didn't stick around long with our 500' driveway until I got a plow for the tractor. That was back when I worked for the state and I would hear the guys on the radio saying to watch out for "Mrs. Stormtech" when they went down my road - she was out there with the snow blower at 2am!

You have a lot more snow on the ground than I do here. And it looks like your metal roof is ready to unload (again). There's a lot of water content in all that snow come spring time......

[magkelly]

I get that too. My erstwhile siblings are relieved that they don't have to deal with Dad but can sound a little jealous too sometimes of the fact that I have a better relationship with him than they do. Even as an adult living away from here I always called my parents regularly. Once we had email there was constant contact the long distance notwithstanding. For years my siblings barely called at all. Don't think that kind of stuff doesn't matter to old people because it really does. My Grandmother she used to live for phone calls and letters and visits. They didn't happen and she would get just heartbroken. My Dad is tougher than she was, but it still bugs him a lot when they don't keep in touch for long periods of time. That I have made an effort to do so really makes a huge difference with him.

Don't get me wrong he can totally get on my case at times, but he's knows I am there for him, that I will be there as long as he needs me and I do get credit for that. I don't really care if my siblings like that. If I am seen as somehow "favored" by him. They're not the ones stepping up. They aren't going to be the ones wiping his arse for him if and when he needs it. I will be and as far as I am concerned they have no right to judge me, ever, and btw, my Dad will totally give them grief when they do. He will tell them to shut the h- up which amuses me because in his mind while he's totally allowed to give me grief they're absolutely not.

When Mom died I can back home, helped my Dad sell the house and deal with her stuff. I was there for a year doing that, cleaning and showing the house. Then I went away for a while again, but later I came back and lived with him again for a while after I was in a serious accident. Again, I totally kept in contact even when I was hundreds of miles away. Coming back that was something he asked me to do because he was worried about me and I left again later for several years once the legal mess was sorted and I'd had surgery and was feeling better. You would not believe the crap my one brother gave me over doing it though. I was nearly incapable of walking at one point but it was not okay for me to move back in with Dad while I healed. That was me "taking advantage of Dad." I'm not going to repeat what I said back then but just an FYI, I seldom speak to that brother even now. The fight we had was monumental and Dad basically threw him out and would hardly talk to him for a long time for going there. Even now there are issues. They talk and they're mostly cordial, but ever since then I think Dad has soured on that brother a bit. He did not like it at all that he went there.

The irony of course is that Dad now lives with me pretty much and I take care of him, and of course they don't object to that! At this point we're renting his place but we're probably going to sell it to the couple renting it soon. Likely I'll sell my place too and we'll find a bigger place to share, a bit farther out into the country here if possible. This town is becoming a city. It's getting congested and the crime rate is way up from what it was a few years ago. It's become so trendy it's getting too expensive to live here besides. The rents here are crazy too. We could be in a house twice this size and pay 3/4 of what we pay in lot rent here.

Dad was really resistant for a while, but I think he's finally coming around now that he has to live with me. This place is really just too small for 2 people. I had a roommate for a long time but she was hardly ever here. I was by myself most of the time so when she was here it wasn't a big deal, but with Dad he's here 24/7 and we definitely need another bath and big bedroom. I can't live in a room the size of a closet. I can't give him that room either, not with his walker and canes and all. We definitely need more space. Likely we will probably need wheelchair access soon besides. It's time to move and I am actively looking for a not too expensive older 3-4 br mobile home somewhere up north of here. It's kind of nice that Dad is finally on board with that. I thought I was going to have to drag him kicking and screaming to someplace new but at this point I think he gets it's necessary. My place is junk. I'll be lucky to get 3K for it but his is worth a bit more and likely we'll just take what we get for them and move soon...

This is my Dad's Twilight time. I don't like living here but he likes it and I'm not going to force him to move cross country at this age. It's enough that he's willing to move to another town nearby finally. But when he's gone I'm out of here. I have no doubt that there will be some pissy conversations when he's gone though. Just dealing with my siblings and the situation lately has been very illuminating. They say they are relieved that I am in charge but what they say and how they act and the questions they ask that's often two different things. I can read people pretty well. I can see that they don't quite trust me and given a choice they would probably just put Dad into a home and my one brother would probably step in and take custody of his affairs. 90% of what I get asked it's all about wills and stuff like that. It's pretty clear that's what they're worried about.

But that's all done properly with a lawyer and all and I have nothing to say about any of it except that I am the executor at the time. I have a clue as to what he's written in there. He's told me and I'm already on his accounts and stuff, but the will is sealed at the lawyers and will remain so until it's needed. I honestly don't care what's in it. It's his decision and whatever his wishes are I will honor it. His being in their custody is not how my Dad wants it or how he has set it up. That's the last thing he'd ever want which is why I am the caretaker and not one of my brothers. My Dad is not as oblivious as they think. He gets more than they think and he can see right through them.

There's a reason my Dad trusts me to take care of him. He CAN. He knows I have his back and that I won't let anything bad happen to him or let him be prematurely put in a home. I will honor his wishes now and after death. My one brother was very put out that he put me in charge I think but I wouldn't trust that brother to watch my cats let alone my Dad. He'd be in a home so fast his head would spin. My Dad seldom praises me to my face but when it comes down to it he does it plenty behind my back which I am sure probably causes some bad feelings with the others sometimes, even as they realize that he has reason to.

No kid likes to think he or she is less important to a parent or grandparent. But when it comes down to it old people they tend to care more about the people who are more intimately involved with them, who don't just ignore them, who take care of them when they need it, and who don't do it in such a way that their dignity is totally lost. I've been there for my Dad, for every emergency for my whole life pretty much. Particularly so for the last two decades or so. I've gone through several strokes with him, gotten him care after bad falls, been through several hospitalizations and literally nursed him through several bad illnesses. That's why we are so close now. We don't always get along, but in the end it doesn't matter. What matters is that I am here. My siblings, even the one who lives here, they rarely visit. Once a year maybe one or two of them will show up and stay for a few hours, that's it. They call some but would probably not if I had not nagged them to do so. Me, I'm here 24/7. Of course I'm the kid that my Dad talks about the most. It doesn't mean he loves them less, but he does I think appreciate me a bit more sometimes and he lets them know it too, unfortunately. :P

[reeftool]

Nice snow blower! I think I had the same model when we first bought this place. While it was an excellent machine (with the electric start) it didn't stick around long with our 500' driveway until I got a plow for the tractor. That was back when I worked for the state and I would hear the guys on the radio saying to watch out for "Mrs. Stormtech" when they went down my road - she was out there with the snow blower at 2am!

You have a lot more snow on the ground than I do here. And it looks like your metal roof is ready to unload (again). There's a lot of water content in all that snow come spring time......

It unloaded about an hour ago and scared the crap out of me!