A little girl walked daily to and from school. Though the weather one morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made the daily trek to the elementary school. As the day progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. The mother was worried that her daughter would be frightened walking back home from school, and she herself feared the electrical storm might cause her harm. Following each roar of the thunder, lightning would cut through the sky like a flaming sword. Being very concerned, the mother got into her car and drove along the route to the school.
Soon she saw her small child walking along. The thunder would boom, and then, at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look and smile. One followed another, each time with her child stopping, looking up at the streak of light and smiling. Finally, the mother called out and asked, "Honey, what are you doing?" Her little girl answered, "God keeps taking pictures of me!"
---------- Post added 2016-08-03 at 16:23 ----------
A friend of mine works in a camera store. The other day a very
confused looking woman approached the counter and handed my friend
a camera. She said "I took pictures, but I forgot to have film in
the camera. Can you please get them out of the camera for me?"
---------- Post added 2016-08-03 at 16:23 ----------
One day I was working in the darkroom with my girlfriend. Things
started out negative but soon I was enlarging. As it started to
develop, I told her we should stop before we got into a fix, but
she said it would all come out in the wash.
The Black & White photo process summarized...
why, what were you thinking?
---------- Post added 2016-08-03 at 16:24 ----------
A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great bush fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.
"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation.
After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"
---------- Post added 2016-08-03 at 16:25 ----------
Three wedding photographers have all been booked to cover the same wedding, a traditional
photographer a contemporary photographer and a documentary style photographer.
Just before the brides arrival the best man falls to the floor as if he has died. The traditional photographer gives mouth to mouth straight away while the contemporary photographer gives him a heart massage.
As the bride arrives the best man is still on the floor and she asks the traditional photographer "what did you give him?" and he replies "mouth to mouth".
She asks the the contemporary photographer the same question and he replies "a heart massage".
She then turns to the documentary photographer and asks "what did you give him" and he pauses before answering "1/125th at f/8, flash fill!" !
Until the next exposure...
---------- Post added 2016-08-03 at 16:25 ----------
Old Photographers never die, they get sent to the old focus home
Old Photographers never die, they just stop developing
Old Photographers never die, their F stops
Old Photographers never die, they just have flash backs
Old Photographers never die, they just get out of focus
Old photographers never die, they're just waiting to see what develops
Old Photographs never die, they just fade away
---------- Post added 2016-08-03 at 16:26 ----------
How to Photograph a New Puppy
1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy’s mouth and throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Take flash cube from puppy’s mouth and throw in trash.
12. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy’s nose.
13. Put magazines back on coffee table.
14. Try to get puppy’s attention by squeaking toy over your head.
15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, “No, outside! No, outside!”
17. Clean up mess.
18. Fix a drink.
19. Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve to teach puppy “sit” and “stay” the first thing in the morning.
---------- Post added 2016-08-03 at 16:27 ----------
A photographer goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, "You are a beautiful woman, would you like to sit for me at my studio?"
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the poor guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and quietly says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a journalist and I've got an assignment to study how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which the photographer responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
---------- Post added 2016-08-03 at 16:28 ----------
Ken Rockwell
Remember: - Ken Rockwell's camera has similar settings to ours, except his are: P[erfect] Av[Awesome Priority Tv[Totally Awesome Priority] M[ajestic]
- Ken Rockwell doesn't color correct. He adjusts your world to match his.
- Ken Rockwell doesn't adjust his DOF, he changes space-time.
- Circle of confusion? You might be confused. Ken Rockwell never is.
- Ken Rockwell doesn't wait for the light when he shoots a landscape - the light waits for him.
- Ken Rockwell never flips his camera in portrait position, he flips the earth
- Ken Rockwell is the only person to have photographed Jesus; unfortunately he ran out of film and had to use a piece of cloth instead.•
- Before Nikon or Canon releases a camera they go to Ken and they ask him to test them, the best cameras get a Nikon sticker and the less good get a Canon sticker
- Rockwellian policy isn't doublethink - Ken doesn't even need to think once
- Ken Rockwell doesn't use flash ever since the Nagasaki incident.
- Only Ken Rockwell can take pictures of Ken Rockwell; everyone else would just get their film overexposed by the light of his genius
- Ken Rockwell wanted something to distract the lesser photographers, and lo, there were ducks.
- Ken Rockwell is the only one who can take self-portraits of you
- Ken Rockwell's nudes were fully clothed at the time of exposure
- Ken Rockwell once designed a zoom lens. You know it as the Hubble SpaceTelescope.
- When Ken unpacks his CF card, it already has masterpieces on it.
- Rockwell portraits are so lifelike, they have to pay taxes
- Ken Rockwell spells point-and-shoot "h-a-s-s-e-l-b-l-a-d"
- Ken Rockwell's digital files consist of 0's, 1's AND 2's.
- Ken Rockwell never focus, everything moves into his DoF
- Ken Rockwell's shots are so perfect, Adobe redesigned photoshop for him: all it consists of is a close button.
- The term tripod was coined after Ken Rockwell's silhouette
- Ken Rockwell never produces awful work, only work too advanced for the viewer
- A certain brand of high-end cameras was named after people noticed the quality was a lot "like a" Rockwell
- Ken Rockwell isn't the Chuck Norris of photography; Chuck Norris is the Ken Rockwell of martial arts.
- Ken Rockwell never starts, he continues.
---------- Post added 2016-08-03 at 16:29 ----------
In the maternity hospital a father of a newly born child is busy photographing his offspring.
His furious activity attracts attention of a nurse.
Is that your first baby - she asks compassionately. No – was the answer – my third, but it’s my Pentax DSLR camera.
---------- Post added 2016-08-03 at 16:32 ----------
When the Marx Brothers were about to make a movie called "A Night in Casablanca," there were threats of legal action from the Warner Brothers, who, five years before, had made a picture called, simply, "Casablanca" (with Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman as stars). Whereupon Groucho, speaking for his brothers and himself, immediately dispatched the following letters:
*For some curious reason, this letter seemed to puzzle the Warner Brothers legal department. They wrote -- in all seriousness -- and asked if the Marxes could give them some idea of what their story was about. They felt that something might be worked out. So Groucho replied:*
*Instead of mollifying them, this note seemed to puzzle the attorneys even more; they wrote back and said they still didn't understand the story line and they would appreciate it if Mr. Marx would explain the plot in more detail. So Groucho obliged with the following:*
*After that, the Marxes heard no more from the Warner Brothers' legal department.*
________________
Someone who knew how to deal with copyright lawyers 
A Night in Casablanca was released in 1946.  |
